Logistics

I drove to Northgate in the morning and parked in the Target/BestBuy garage for the day, taking the 41 bus downtown to work. This was so the cupcakes I baked for D&D could sit in my car and not bake even more under the sun, and then I could go to the gym after work and then D&D... except the pool at the gym wasn't open due to like, the roof tiles falling or something, so we didn't actually go swimming, and I stayed at work until like 6:30pm instead.

D&D was good though, and the cupcakes survived being in the cool car pretty well, and I frosted them at M&J's house. Also, I think spell focus items can be really obnoxiously stupid. There's no reason for the focus for Mordenkainen's Sword, seriously, and Justin agreed with me and allowed me to cast it without.

"King Felix" Hernandez started the M's-Tigers game in Detroit today (and sadly got the loss). He was the youngest pitcher to start a Mariners game since like... 1984. I started working on a filk song about him, of course, to the tune of "Prince Ali" from Aladdin, an' I posted it to Marinerds but I won't bother posting it here until it's done. Or something.

I'm almost done reading Pam Postema's book about when she was a minor league umpire for the late 70's and early 80's. It's really goddamn good.

Whee, happy birthday eub, yo.

Baseball Filk - King Felix Hernandez

I love it when I'm like, editing Perl code, and suddenly the line I've been trying to come up with for a song pops into my head. This is about the Mariners' new 19-year-old phenom pitcher, who made his first major league start yesterday, and who the blogosphere refers to as "King Felix", so...


King Felix
(to the tune of "Prince Ali" from Aladdin)

Hey! Clear the way in the baseball park
Hey you! Let us through!
It's a bright new star!
Oh, come, see the first at the plate that he'll destroy

Make way, here he comes!
Ring bells! Bang the drums!
Are you gonna love this boy!

It's the king! Everyone sing!
Felix Hernandez.
Write a K in for the play
Definitely.
We'll see the King taking aim
At home in next Tuesday's game
So come and watch this spectacular battery!

It's the king! Everyone sing!
Felix Hernandez.
He'll get ten bat-swinging men
Down on strike three.
He faced the PCL trench
A hundred strikeouts commenced
Who sent those guys to their bench?
Why, it's the king.

He was 9 and 4 down in Tacoma
   (Ain't he amazing, Rick?)
Home runs on him? Gave up only three
   (Fabulous, Fairly, I love his curveballs.)
He sure earned his minor league diploma
How's he gonna do?
I'm telling you,
he's a twenty-win guarantee!

It's the king, everyone sing, Felix Hernandez
   (There's no question he's a pitching genius)
That physique, how can I speak,
   (And they say that he's only nineteen, yes?)
Powerfully.
   (Everything about the guy just plain impresses)
Well, get on out to the Safe
   (He's a phenom, he's so great, a wonder)
And sit there in disbelief
   (He will tear opposing bats asunder)
We'll hail our new pitching chief, our Felix king.
   (And I absolutely love the way he dresses!)

He walked ninety-six guys in the minors
   (Well, in the minors, they must be whiners)
But in strikeouts, got three-sixty-three
   (They're numerous, so numerous!)
And his curveball's got movement like shiners
   (Bounces down for him)
It hops to the plate, they swing too late
They're just jumpy with jealousy for the King! He's the King!

He's the king! Everyone sing!
Felix Hernandez!
Heard that Safeco was a sight awful to see
And that, Seattle, is why
He suited up and dropped by
With tricks abundant, and power galore
With his curves and sliders,
A fastball and more
So this pitching gala from Venezuela
A revolution he'll bring
Make way, for he's our King!

Baseball Filk -- Avenue Q meets The Mariners Crew

I'm pathetic, aren't I? I had this idea while walking home from the gym tonight, and rather than going out to eat sushi or maybe go see Must See Dogs by myself, both of which I was seriously considering, I just sat here for the last two hours dumping all of my song parody ideas out of my head.

I think I've come up with the opening number for "Mariners! The Musical", though...

"What do you do with a Major League Contract? / It Sucks to be Us"
To the tune of "What do you do with a BA in English? / It Sucks to Be Me" from the musical Avenue Q
New lyrics by Deanna Rubin.


(The stage opens on a sidestreet in Peoria, Arizona, near the Mariners Spring Training complex. A rookie, Jeremy Reed, stands there with a suitcase and an envelope containing his invitation to Spring Training. He looks out and sings:)

JEREMY REED
What do you do with a major league contract?
Where's my career going to go?
Four years of minors with all of those whiners
Has earned me a shot at the show

I can't play the field yet
'Cause my feet ain't healed yet.
And Safeco's a big scary place..

But somehow I can't shake
The feeling I might make
A difference
In the pennant race.


(Lights up on the clubhouse, where players are starting to arrive.)

SCOTT SPIEZIO
Morning, Ryan.

RYAN FRANKLIN
What's up, Sandfrog?

SCOTT SPIEZIO
How's life?

RYAN FRANKLIN
Disappointing!
( The rest of this song has been mercifully lj-cut. )