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Baseball filk -- "Ball"
This is the second installment in "Mariners! The Musical", a work in progress. I've tried to differentiate talking and singing by having spoken words be in italics... this one is kind of a tough one to represent visually.
"Ball", to the tune of "Belle", from Beauty and the Beast
(It is pre-game at Safeco Field. Jennifer, ballgirl for the Mariners, walks out of the dugout at a gleaming, lovely Seattle evening sky, and sings:)
[Ballgirl:]
Little park
After batting practice
Every game
Eighty-one in all
Little park
Full of guys in black shirts
Walking up to say:
[Umpires:]
Play ball!
Play ball!
Play ball! Play ball! Play ball!
[Ballgirl:]
There goes the batboy with his chair, like always
The pitchers walk out to the pen.
Every evening just the same
Since the season's first home game
In this wet Northwestern town
[Hargrove:] Good evening, Jen!
[Ballgirl:] Yo, chief.
[Hargrove:] Where are you off to?
[Ballgirl:] The third-base line. I traded off with Tara tonight because
I'm sunburnt and wanted to be in the shade until after the fifth --
[Hargrove:] That's nice. Hey Shawn! Got the rosin bag? Hurry up!
[Players:] (sitting in the dugout, watching her walk away)
Look, there she goes, that girl is hot, no question
She's just as cute as she is tall
But she never gives us time
'Cause she's sitting down the line
Always making sure she's there to field the ball.
(We zoom over to some fans down arriving at their seats by the third base line.)
[Man I:] We're here!
[Woman I:] Great seats!
[Man I:] I thought you'd like them.
[Man II:] Hey, dude.
[Man I:] What up?
[Man II:] Is this your wife?
[Man I:] (nods)
[Little Girl:] (leans forward screaming) I want a ball!
[Little Boy:] (shoves) Hey, I was here first!
[Ballgirl:] (sighs) I love my job and my northwestern life...
(She walks to the back of the dugout.)
[Ground crew:] Hey babe.
[Ballgirl:] Yo Mike. I've come to borrow a hat.
[Ground crew:] Sunburned already?
[Ballgirl:] Yeah, I worked that Angels game on Sunday. Ugh, it
was like eighty degrees out. You got any sunscreen?
[Ground crew:] Ha Ha! No, the batboys stole it all.
[Ballgirl:] That's all right. I'll borrow . . . . . this hat!
[Ground crew:] That one? But it's falling apart!
[Ballgirl:] Well, it's my favorite! It's the hat Jamie Moyer was
wearing when he pitched during Opening Day... I figure
it'll be good luck for him if I wear it tonight, too.
[Ground crew:] Well, if you like it that much, it's yours!
[Ballgirl:] Holy crap!
[Ground crew:] I insist.
[Ballgirl:] Well, thank you. Thank you very much!
[Fans:] (sitting along the third base line, watching the ballgirl take her post as the game starts)
Look, there she goes, that girl is so athletic
I wonder, does she ever fall?
With our eyes fixed on the plate
A low grounder we'll await
We can only hope to beat her to the ball.
[Ballgirl:]
Oh, what an awesome feeling
It's my favorite spot to watch and see
Here's Ichiro, he's stealing
But he doesn't make it there until they call strike three!
...Shit.
[Old woman:]
Now it's no wonder that the M's aren't winning
They're just the worst that I recall
[Old man:]
So we sit and pray to God
For some luck to find this squad
We'd be happy if they got on base
[Fans:]
Yes, happy for a home run chase
Yes, we'd be happy if they hit the ball!
(It's now the 7th inning, and a mound conference ensues as Bryan Price, pitching coach, comes out, and catcher Pat Borders also walks to the mound.)
[Moyer:] Hey, old man.
[BP:] Who the heck are you calling old, geezer?
[Moyer:] You're a year older than me... ah, hell, what's up?
[BP:] Chief's got a message for you -- "Just throw strikes, son."
[Moyer:] Haha, easy for him to say. My arm feels like bacon.
[BP:] Hey, I like bacon.
[Borders:] Me too.
[Moyer:] I really wish he'd come up with a new slogan.
[BP:] How about "Smoke 'em inside"?
[Borders:] I don't call fastballs with Methuselah on the mountain, you know that.
[BP:] What, afraid of osteoporosis shattering your wrist?
[Moyer:] (to Borders) Hey, who the heck are YOU calling old, geezer?
[Borders:] (to BP) Who the heck are *YOU* calling old, geezer?
[Umpire:] Oh, will you all break it up and go back to the old folks' home already?
[BP, Borders, Moyer:] (to Umpire) Who the heck YOU calling old, whitey?
(The game resumes with Moyer holding the ball.)
[Moyer:]
Right from the moment that I started pitching
I never thought I'd make the Hall
But today's the day, you see
My 200th victory
If those bullpen guys don't fuck up with the ball.
(Moyer walks the next batter and the manager, Mike Hargrove, motions to the bullpen for Ron Villone to come in and pitch. The press reporters all go crazy.)
[Press:]
Look here he comes
Isn't he mighty?
It's Ron Villone
Oh see, such grace!
Please hold the phone
I'm so excited!
He's our new bullpen's wild but lefty ace!
(Ronnie the bear arrives, and everyone starts singing...)
[Villone:] Yo guys!
[Moyer:] Oh, well (leaves)
[Price:] Hey Ron
[Sexson:] What up?
[Borders:] You call that fast?
[Hargrove:] You ready, kid?
[Villone:] Of course
[Beltre:] What pitch?
[Villone:] Let's go!
[Borders:] First curves.
[Villone:] My fastball's hot!
[Hargrove:] Just throw them strikes!
[Bloomquist:] Hey guys!
[Sexson:] Shut up.
[Borders:] Calm down.
[Villone:] Let's go!
[Umpire:] Your time is up, now!
[Ballgirl:] If Ronnie loses it would be a shame!
[Villone:] Just watch, I'm here to make us win the game!
(It's now the 9th inning, with two outs, and the ball is popped foul. The third baseman, Adrian Beltre, runs to try to get it...)
[Fans:]
Look, there it goes, that hit was high but angled
It's hard to tell where it will fall
But if Beltre makes the play
He will surely save the day
Because everybody wants to catch
The fans, the fielders, the whole batch
We really, really want to catch...
That ball!
(The ball lands in Beltre's hands, and everyone goes home happy.)
"Ball", to the tune of "Belle", from Beauty and the Beast
(It is pre-game at Safeco Field. Jennifer, ballgirl for the Mariners, walks out of the dugout at a gleaming, lovely Seattle evening sky, and sings:)
[Ballgirl:]
Little park
After batting practice
Every game
Eighty-one in all
Little park
Full of guys in black shirts
Walking up to say:
[Umpires:]
Play ball!
Play ball!
Play ball! Play ball! Play ball!
[Ballgirl:]
There goes the batboy with his chair, like always
The pitchers walk out to the pen.
Every evening just the same
Since the season's first home game
In this wet Northwestern town
[Hargrove:] Good evening, Jen!
[Ballgirl:] Yo, chief.
[Hargrove:] Where are you off to?
[Ballgirl:] The third-base line. I traded off with Tara tonight because
I'm sunburnt and wanted to be in the shade until after the fifth --
[Hargrove:] That's nice. Hey Shawn! Got the rosin bag? Hurry up!
[Players:] (sitting in the dugout, watching her walk away)
Look, there she goes, that girl is hot, no question
She's just as cute as she is tall
But she never gives us time
'Cause she's sitting down the line
Always making sure she's there to field the ball.
(We zoom over to some fans down arriving at their seats by the third base line.)
[Man I:] We're here!
[Woman I:] Great seats!
[Man I:] I thought you'd like them.
[Man II:] Hey, dude.
[Man I:] What up?
[Man II:] Is this your wife?
[Man I:] (nods)
[Little Girl:] (leans forward screaming) I want a ball!
[Little Boy:] (shoves) Hey, I was here first!
[Ballgirl:] (sighs) I love my job and my northwestern life...
(She walks to the back of the dugout.)
[Ground crew:] Hey babe.
[Ballgirl:] Yo Mike. I've come to borrow a hat.
[Ground crew:] Sunburned already?
[Ballgirl:] Yeah, I worked that Angels game on Sunday. Ugh, it
was like eighty degrees out. You got any sunscreen?
[Ground crew:] Ha Ha! No, the batboys stole it all.
[Ballgirl:] That's all right. I'll borrow . . . . . this hat!
[Ground crew:] That one? But it's falling apart!
[Ballgirl:] Well, it's my favorite! It's the hat Jamie Moyer was
wearing when he pitched during Opening Day... I figure
it'll be good luck for him if I wear it tonight, too.
[Ground crew:] Well, if you like it that much, it's yours!
[Ballgirl:] Holy crap!
[Ground crew:] I insist.
[Ballgirl:] Well, thank you. Thank you very much!
[Fans:] (sitting along the third base line, watching the ballgirl take her post as the game starts)
Look, there she goes, that girl is so athletic
I wonder, does she ever fall?
With our eyes fixed on the plate
A low grounder we'll await
We can only hope to beat her to the ball.
[Ballgirl:]
Oh, what an awesome feeling
It's my favorite spot to watch and see
Here's Ichiro, he's stealing
But he doesn't make it there until they call strike three!
...Shit.
[Old woman:]
Now it's no wonder that the M's aren't winning
They're just the worst that I recall
[Old man:]
So we sit and pray to God
For some luck to find this squad
We'd be happy if they got on base
[Fans:]
Yes, happy for a home run chase
Yes, we'd be happy if they hit the ball!
(It's now the 7th inning, and a mound conference ensues as Bryan Price, pitching coach, comes out, and catcher Pat Borders also walks to the mound.)
[Moyer:] Hey, old man.
[BP:] Who the heck are you calling old, geezer?
[Moyer:] You're a year older than me... ah, hell, what's up?
[BP:] Chief's got a message for you -- "Just throw strikes, son."
[Moyer:] Haha, easy for him to say. My arm feels like bacon.
[BP:] Hey, I like bacon.
[Borders:] Me too.
[Moyer:] I really wish he'd come up with a new slogan.
[BP:] How about "Smoke 'em inside"?
[Borders:] I don't call fastballs with Methuselah on the mountain, you know that.
[BP:] What, afraid of osteoporosis shattering your wrist?
[Moyer:] (to Borders) Hey, who the heck are YOU calling old, geezer?
[Borders:] (to BP) Who the heck are *YOU* calling old, geezer?
[Umpire:] Oh, will you all break it up and go back to the old folks' home already?
[BP, Borders, Moyer:] (to Umpire) Who the heck YOU calling old, whitey?
(The game resumes with Moyer holding the ball.)
[Moyer:]
Right from the moment that I started pitching
I never thought I'd make the Hall
But today's the day, you see
My 200th victory
If those bullpen guys don't fuck up with the ball.
(Moyer walks the next batter and the manager, Mike Hargrove, motions to the bullpen for Ron Villone to come in and pitch. The press reporters all go crazy.)
[Press:]
Look here he comes
Isn't he mighty?
It's Ron Villone
Oh see, such grace!
Please hold the phone
I'm so excited!
He's our new bullpen's wild but lefty ace!
(Ronnie the bear arrives, and everyone starts singing...)
[Villone:] Yo guys!
[Moyer:] Oh, well (leaves)
[Price:] Hey Ron
[Sexson:] What up?
[Borders:] You call that fast?
[Hargrove:] You ready, kid?
[Villone:] Of course
[Beltre:] What pitch?
[Villone:] Let's go!
[Borders:] First curves.
[Villone:] My fastball's hot!
[Hargrove:] Just throw them strikes!
[Bloomquist:] Hey guys!
[Sexson:] Shut up.
[Borders:] Calm down.
[Villone:] Let's go!
[Umpire:] Your time is up, now!
[Ballgirl:] If Ronnie loses it would be a shame!
[Villone:] Just watch, I'm here to make us win the game!
(It's now the 9th inning, with two outs, and the ball is popped foul. The third baseman, Adrian Beltre, runs to try to get it...)
[Fans:]
Look, there it goes, that hit was high but angled
It's hard to tell where it will fall
But if Beltre makes the play
He will surely save the day
Because everybody wants to catch
The fans, the fielders, the whole batch
We really, really want to catch...
That ball!
(The ball lands in Beltre's hands, and everyone goes home happy.)
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