Song Parody: Number Three

[dr4b]

Alright, I'm going to sleep now for real... but I just kinda started humming this after my "They Might Flee Giants" joke, and next thing you know, well...

Number Three, by They Might Flee Giants
To the tune of "Number Three" by They Might Be Giants
new lyrics by Deanna "I'll take Potent Potables for 2d8+3, Alex" Rubin


There's only two fights in me, and we just fought the third
Don't know why I cast Disintegration or used a Power Word
Spent the whole fight just trying to avoid a zombie's blade
For the two fights in me, and the third one we just played.

An ogre once told me,
"Hey, you's a tasty treat!"
An orc squad once told me
Humans are the best to eat
Now I'm in a pit trap that goes down a hundred feet 'cause

There's just two fights in me, and we just fought the third
Didn't need to use an evocation, just changed into a bird
Spent the whole time just flying to not be Prismatic Sprayed
For the two fights in me, and the third one we just played.

So I went to the Gamemaster
And I asked old whats-his-name
Could I just prepare a counterspell
Or something like the same?
He just started talking
Like a beholder's eye
"If there's just two fights in ya, dude,
Arentcha gonna die?"

So I bought myself some elven chain
And a nice scimitar
And I politely told the party
I was going to the bar
'Cause I have to keep my spirits up
Or I'll never level far
Since there's just two fights in me,
And this is number threeeeeeeeeeeeee.