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Lessons from Stray Cats
First thing is that having a stray cat take up residence in the side area of my house has made me realize that D&D monster behaviour might actually be feasible. Because, I swear to god, no matter what time of day it is, if I open up the side door to my house and look outside, this mother cat is standing there, growling and hissing at me. It's like she's a wandering monster whose only job is to be in one stationary place and growl at the adventurer when she opens the door. I suppose there is a 1d20 chance she isn't there when I open the door, but so far it hasn't been the case.
Sometimes I swear, if I could speak Cat, our conversation would go something like:
Cat: Boo hiss, human.
Me: Hello cat. I am just seeing if you are still living in my house.
Cat: What do you mean YOUR house, I found this place and I am going to raise my kittens here.
Me: Excuse me?
Cat: Yes, this is my house now, stupid human, and if you knew what was good for you, you'd stop opening that door.
Me: Um, my laundry machine is out here. You're lucky I did laundry last week before you had your kittens.
Cat: I have no concept of this "laundry" thing, but I better not catch you wandering around out here or I am going to claw your eyes out.
Me: You do and I'm calling the city to come take you away.
Cat: Oh yeah right, like you have any idea where to call or what to say in Japanese anyway.
Me: DAMN YOU CAT!
Cat: Now go back inside! AND STAY IN!
Anyway, I'm seriously hoping they disappear soon. I AM going to do laundry tomorrow night since it's Tuesday and the Fighters game will be on BS1 so I'll be hanging out at home for the evening. I'd say that the stupid cat can bite me, but I'm worried that's precisely what she'll do.
Sometimes I swear, if I could speak Cat, our conversation would go something like:
Cat: Boo hiss, human.
Me: Hello cat. I am just seeing if you are still living in my house.
Cat: What do you mean YOUR house, I found this place and I am going to raise my kittens here.
Me: Excuse me?
Cat: Yes, this is my house now, stupid human, and if you knew what was good for you, you'd stop opening that door.
Me: Um, my laundry machine is out here. You're lucky I did laundry last week before you had your kittens.
Cat: I have no concept of this "laundry" thing, but I better not catch you wandering around out here or I am going to claw your eyes out.
Me: You do and I'm calling the city to come take you away.
Cat: Oh yeah right, like you have any idea where to call or what to say in Japanese anyway.
Me: DAMN YOU CAT!
Cat: Now go back inside! AND STAY IN!
Anyway, I'm seriously hoping they disappear soon. I AM going to do laundry tomorrow night since it's Tuesday and the Fighters game will be on BS1 so I'll be hanging out at home for the evening. I'd say that the stupid cat can bite me, but I'm worried that's precisely what she'll do.
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