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dancing on the table, Mabel
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elletweedy, we now have a kitchen table. It is pretty cool, it's a nice octagonal table that has an extension thingy you can put onto it to seat a bunch of people. Thanks, Laura!
I thought it would be really funny to get a big red tablecloth for it (since it's an octagon and all, like a stop sign) and get white trivits shaped like letters. Except instead of spelling out "STOP" in the middle, it'd be backwards and spell out "POTS".
Anyway, Laura came over and we played DDR for a bit. Although Laura probably thinks she sucked at it, I was really happy anyway because we cleared enough songs to get two more hidden songs, "DXY!" and "Radical Faith", both of which are very cool songs music-wise, but which have sort of nonoptimal dance patterns.
I've just gone off into a weird meta-brain mode where I have all of these weird, vaguely connected thoughts about female geekiness. Like, there are very few women I meet and immediately think "ah, this woman is a fellow geek like myself." I think a lot of the times I think, "ah, this woman hangs out with geeks, but must be their bridge to reality by being an art or humanities person." Of course, what's sad is that my degree is technically in the humanities (though I have that 1337 minor in CS that should have been a major if I wasn't such a wuss). So I'm a big ol' hypocrite. Hmm. Of course, I think that I, and other female geeks, do sometimes have this whole "I am so cool because I am a girl geek, and most girls are stupid, so they are so uncool compared to me." mental image thing. So there's a bit of edginess in meeting other female geeks.
For example, in almost every RPG group I've been in, I've been the only female player. I'm used to that and I sort of like it, being the token female. (This is why I think Knights of the Dinner Table is so damned cool, because I *am* Sara in so many ways except the hair.) I'm not sure why, but when there's another female player, we both get sort of edgy. This happened with Joy and me last year in Tal's campaign, and I bet if Alisa and I were actually in the same Ragnarok group it would happen again. Although, when I was in high school, my favorite DM was this girl who ran an awesome campaign wherein we were all apprentice researchers for an insane wizard. It was really puzzle-brainteaser oriented, rather than combat-oriented. That was cool.
Reading this, I'm thinking "I'm the psychotic one who gets edgy and the other person has to deal with it, right?" which probably seems pretty accurate to anyone reading it who's known me more than a few years (since I *think* I have mellowed out a little bit in the past year or three about this sort of thing). Like, I almost feel guilty about going off on people like Barbara and Laurel, a few years ago, now. But back then I was just lashing out in my sadness over feeling old and unwanted. Since then, I've just realized: freshmen women are *always* going to be more attractive than you are. Deal with it.
Though, I can think of one particular person who I honestly think deserved every word I said to her. Anyone who reads graffiti bboards at CMU will know who I mean, and anyone who doesn't, doesn't need to know.
Since I have Eli, and he is wonderful, I guess that brings up another thing: I no longer feel a need to be competitive with other women. (Did I mention that yesterday was our one-year anniversary?) I think that was a big part of my bitchiness in earlier years, especially my junior year at CMU when I was in several bad flings and relationships and was not dealing well with feeling like a failure after failing my first class ever. It felt like there were so many other cool, wonderful perky smart women around that it was hard to feel like someone unique, special, and cool. But in retrospect what I should have done, and what I've tried to do since, is become better friends with those cool perky smart women, because having no female friends also sucks, especially when you need to go clothes shopping and stuff. (Even though I've been sort of unlucky every time I've gone shopping with Laura and Lori, I've still majorly enjoyed the trips!)
I keep getting mentally sidetracked as I write this, thinking about random crap. And Eli has finally hooked up all of his keyboards, so I want to go play music in a bit. But at any rate... hmm, I guess most normal people wouldn't share this much on LJ. Then again, I don't know if I'm normal. And maybe this will serve as an apology to some people, that they know I feel awful for how I've been, and that I do want to be better, and that I think I am getting better. I guess I'll LJ cut this or something.
I blamealternatkittyn for this (not in a bad way!) because we had a convo on AIM tonight that was interesting. She's working on a web site that's for reviews, comics and other stuff from geeky females. Therefore I began this entire mental tangent of, "Geeky females? What an odd group we are..."
So there you have it. I've pretty much wasted the evening now, which is a shame, but I guess sometimes it's nice to just veg out and think about crap. Now I just have to figure out what to do with the rest of my weekend (I want to play board games, but I'd settle for shopping. Heh.)
elletweedy, we now have a kitchen table. It is pretty cool, it's a nice octagonal table that has an extension thingy you can put onto it to seat a bunch of people. Thanks, Laura! I thought it would be really funny to get a big red tablecloth for it (since it's an octagon and all, like a stop sign) and get white trivits shaped like letters. Except instead of spelling out "STOP" in the middle, it'd be backwards and spell out "POTS".
Anyway, Laura came over and we played DDR for a bit. Although Laura probably thinks she sucked at it, I was really happy anyway because we cleared enough songs to get two more hidden songs, "DXY!" and "Radical Faith", both of which are very cool songs music-wise, but which have sort of nonoptimal dance patterns.
I've just gone off into a weird meta-brain mode where I have all of these weird, vaguely connected thoughts about female geekiness. Like, there are very few women I meet and immediately think "ah, this woman is a fellow geek like myself." I think a lot of the times I think, "ah, this woman hangs out with geeks, but must be their bridge to reality by being an art or humanities person." Of course, what's sad is that my degree is technically in the humanities (though I have that 1337 minor in CS that should have been a major if I wasn't such a wuss). So I'm a big ol' hypocrite. Hmm. Of course, I think that I, and other female geeks, do sometimes have this whole "I am so cool because I am a girl geek, and most girls are stupid, so they are so uncool compared to me." mental image thing. So there's a bit of edginess in meeting other female geeks.
For example, in almost every RPG group I've been in, I've been the only female player. I'm used to that and I sort of like it, being the token female. (This is why I think Knights of the Dinner Table is so damned cool, because I *am* Sara in so many ways except the hair.) I'm not sure why, but when there's another female player, we both get sort of edgy. This happened with Joy and me last year in Tal's campaign, and I bet if Alisa and I were actually in the same Ragnarok group it would happen again. Although, when I was in high school, my favorite DM was this girl who ran an awesome campaign wherein we were all apprentice researchers for an insane wizard. It was really puzzle-brainteaser oriented, rather than combat-oriented. That was cool.
Reading this, I'm thinking "I'm the psychotic one who gets edgy and the other person has to deal with it, right?" which probably seems pretty accurate to anyone reading it who's known me more than a few years (since I *think* I have mellowed out a little bit in the past year or three about this sort of thing). Like, I almost feel guilty about going off on people like Barbara and Laurel, a few years ago, now. But back then I was just lashing out in my sadness over feeling old and unwanted. Since then, I've just realized: freshmen women are *always* going to be more attractive than you are. Deal with it.
Though, I can think of one particular person who I honestly think deserved every word I said to her. Anyone who reads graffiti bboards at CMU will know who I mean, and anyone who doesn't, doesn't need to know.
Since I have Eli, and he is wonderful, I guess that brings up another thing: I no longer feel a need to be competitive with other women. (Did I mention that yesterday was our one-year anniversary?) I think that was a big part of my bitchiness in earlier years, especially my junior year at CMU when I was in several bad flings and relationships and was not dealing well with feeling like a failure after failing my first class ever. It felt like there were so many other cool, wonderful perky smart women around that it was hard to feel like someone unique, special, and cool. But in retrospect what I should have done, and what I've tried to do since, is become better friends with those cool perky smart women, because having no female friends also sucks, especially when you need to go clothes shopping and stuff. (Even though I've been sort of unlucky every time I've gone shopping with Laura and Lori, I've still majorly enjoyed the trips!)
I keep getting mentally sidetracked as I write this, thinking about random crap. And Eli has finally hooked up all of his keyboards, so I want to go play music in a bit. But at any rate... hmm, I guess most normal people wouldn't share this much on LJ. Then again, I don't know if I'm normal. And maybe this will serve as an apology to some people, that they know I feel awful for how I've been, and that I do want to be better, and that I think I am getting better. I guess I'll LJ cut this or something.
I blame
alternatkittyn for this (not in a bad way!) because we had a convo on AIM tonight that was interesting. She's working on a web site that's for reviews, comics and other stuff from geeky females. Therefore I began this entire mental tangent of, "Geeky females? What an odd group we are..."So there you have it. I've pretty much wasted the evening now, which is a shame, but I guess sometimes it's nice to just veg out and think about crap. Now I just have to figure out what to do with the rest of my weekend (I want to play board games, but I'd settle for shopping. Heh.)
Re: me? inspiring people to rant? never...
I do find, sometimes, that guys will assume I don't know as much about the prroduct as they do. although the new people learn that pretty quickly and they come to me for answers.
my boyfriend frequently addresses me as 'hey gorgeous', which just completely baffles me.