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銀色のシーズン (Gin-iro no Season, the Silver Season)
My landlady called me just as I got to the train station. Go figure. She says she'll try to get someone here on Tuesday morning. Bleh.
Anyway, I did exactly what I said I was going to do tonight:
- I went to Minami-Koshigaya and checked out Mint
- I went to Saitama-Shintoshin and ate a huge avocado burger at Kua'Aina
- I saw Gin-iro no Season at the movie theater up there
And because I suck at reviewing movies I'm just going to write my own little "abridged script". I kind of doubt anyone on my friendslist is going to see this movie anyway:
Gin, Jiro, Yuji: Hi! We're these three slacker guys who live on a mountain and like to ski all over the place as if we own the town. We think we're cool, but nobody else does. Watch us do awesome tricks and parachute around and do flips and ski over buildings and through water and all. Aren't we awesome?
Ski resort: We're a bunch of old guys worried because our ski resort is losing money. So we built this super igloo chapel and hope to make money as a cool WEDDING resort. Also, we hate those three guys for terrorizing our clientele.
Nanami: Hi. I'm from Tokyo! I'm getting married at the ski resort in 3 days!
Audience: Uh... where's your fiance?
Nanami: Oh, he'll show up later.
Nanami: Also, I can't ski. I've never even SEEN snow before. [falls off of slope]
Gin: Hahahaha boy do you SUCK at skiing. You have to ski down from the chapel in 3 days?
Nanami: Help me learn!
Gin: Give me money.
Nanami: You're an asshat, but for some reason I'll hire you to teach me to ski anyway.
Gin: Ok, here's how to ski. See, you put your feet like this and... oh god, you are SO BAD at it. Look, even these 5-year-olds are better than you. You're a pathetic excuse for a skier's bride-to-be.
Nanami: Waaaaaaaaah.
Erika: Yeah, he's an asshole. But he used to be a world champion skier. See, let's watch this video of the last contest he entered, where he took a bad jump and broke his leg. Hahahahaha! I cannot stop laughing when I watch him break his leg. Hahahahaha.
Nanami: Waaaaaaaaah.
Gin: Ok, I am going to stop being an asshole long enough to have this endearing scene where I ski down from the chapel with Nanami, holding hands with her, pretending to be her husband, so that maybe if nothing else she can figure out how to semi-gracefully not fall on her ass while someone else drags her down the chapel slope. Whoops, there she goes again.
Nanami: Waaaaaaaaah.
Yuji: We really desperately want to be relevant characters in this movie, but it's difficult.
Jiro: Yeah, seriously. I mean, Gin is even in the title of the movie, sheesh. Well, how about if we go off and do some cool skiing tricks for a while?
Audience: Cool, because the only interesting thing in this movie IS the skiing.
Yuji, Jiro: Also, we seem to have found a hot spring right by our house.
Gin: Dude. Let's bash the ice until we set it off. [WHOOOOOOOSH]
Yuji: Awesome. Blowing things up is cool.
Gin: Let's set off fireworks too while we're at it!!!
Yuji, Jiro: Yeah! [BOOOOOM!]
Ski resort: Uh, who the hell blew up the ice chapel?
Patrol: Nanami, we have really bad news for you. Your husband-to-be died.
Nanami: ...
Audience: OMG lame plot hole.
Patrol: Also, someone blew up the ice chapel.
Nanami: ...I think I'm going to go commit suicide now by wandering into a huge snowstorm.
Patrol: It must have been THOSE THREE GUYS! Everything bad is their fault. [arrests them]
Gin: No way! I'm gonna go save Nanami! [starts a big fight, escapes]
Everyone: Why? You think she's a moron who can't ski.
Gin: Because someone finally sent me the script and told me it was a love story. Also, did you notice they never even hired an actor to be Nanami's fiance? If I had noticed that I might have been a lot nicer to her before.
Nanami: It's so cold. I think I'm going to die.
Audience: Actually, why aren't you ALREADY dead? You've been lying in a snowstorm for hours and aren't even wearing a hat or scarf.
Gin: Wheeeeee! I'm gonna parachute in and save you!
Snowstorm: No you aren't.
Gin: Am too.
Nanami: Dude, I WANTED to die. Why the hell are you here?
Gin: You do not. And at least, *I* don't want to die, so let's make a cave in this snowbank and chat for a while so you can find out I'm only 70% asshole, not 99% asshole. You can yell at me after we get home from this.
Nanami: Look at me, I finally figured out how to ski a whopping 15 meters down from the destroyed ice chapel without falling on my ass. I did it. I did it!
Gin: Yeah, I'm proud of you. I'm the best teacher ever.
Everyone: Yay! Happy ending!
Nanami: Waaaaah. Well, I guess I'll go back to Tokyo now and figure out what the hell to do with my life now. Waaaaaah.
Gin: Well, uh, goodbye.
Gin: Wait a minute, I'm in love with you. Don't go!
Nanami: Wait WHAT?
Gin: [realizes what he just said] AAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAA!1 AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! [runs off]
Ski resort: Uh, bye Nanami. Uhh... wtf?
Gin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! AAAAA!
Yuji, Jiro: WTF?
Gin: AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Audience: Ok, honestly, what the hell is going on here?
Gin: I'm gonna enter the ski jumping competition! Which just happens to be on this same day that Nanami was originally getting married. Isn't that convenient?
Audience: Whatever.
Skiers: Wheee! [jump, somersault, twist, jump, etc]
Nanami: [waits at train station]
Jiro: Nanami! YOU CAN'T GO HOME YET THE PLOT ISN'T OVER. [kidnaps Nanami on patrol's ski bike]
Nanami: What the
Jiro: No, really. This is going to be AWESOME. Vroom!
Announcers: HE IS BACK! SURPRISE ENTRY IN THE CONTEST, SHIROYAMA GIN!!!!!
Gin: Yeah!!! I rock!!! I'm gonna start up my career again.
Audience: Hold on a fucking minute, you haven't been training for this or anything, all you've been doing is running around being an asshole for the last few days, doing crazy stunts like paraskiing and stuff.
Director: Shhhh, this is the suspension of disbelief part.
Audience: Whatever. It's your fault when you fall on your ass.
Gin: Wheeeeee look at me go!!!! [does first jump and a perfect somersault]
Yuji: Woooo, look at him go!
Nanami and Jiro: [arrives] Holy crap.
Yuji: Wait a minute, this second jump looks bad.
Gin: Yeah, I think I fucked up. [lands on ass, tumbles down hill]
Audience: Told you so.
Ski resort: Call the paramedics! Man down!
Nanami: Gin, if I could ski down 15 meters from that stupid church there is NO REASON you can't get off your ass and finish going down this slope.
Gin: I guess she's right. [gets up, skis down slope]
Ski resort: YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!! This is so awesome! Gin's gonna be a pro skier again! Now we can stop blaming everything on him and instead cheer for him all of a sudden! Let's take a picture!
Audience: Well, ok, I guess it was a happy ending.
Audience: Can we see some funny skiing outtakes now and listen to a nice song by Kobukuro? Thanks.
Anyway, I did exactly what I said I was going to do tonight:
- I went to Minami-Koshigaya and checked out Mint
- I went to Saitama-Shintoshin and ate a huge avocado burger at Kua'Aina
- I saw Gin-iro no Season at the movie theater up there
And because I suck at reviewing movies I'm just going to write my own little "abridged script". I kind of doubt anyone on my friendslist is going to see this movie anyway:
Gin, Jiro, Yuji: Hi! We're these three slacker guys who live on a mountain and like to ski all over the place as if we own the town. We think we're cool, but nobody else does. Watch us do awesome tricks and parachute around and do flips and ski over buildings and through water and all. Aren't we awesome?
Ski resort: We're a bunch of old guys worried because our ski resort is losing money. So we built this super igloo chapel and hope to make money as a cool WEDDING resort. Also, we hate those three guys for terrorizing our clientele.
Nanami: Hi. I'm from Tokyo! I'm getting married at the ski resort in 3 days!
Audience: Uh... where's your fiance?
Nanami: Oh, he'll show up later.
Nanami: Also, I can't ski. I've never even SEEN snow before. [falls off of slope]
Gin: Hahahaha boy do you SUCK at skiing. You have to ski down from the chapel in 3 days?
Nanami: Help me learn!
Gin: Give me money.
Nanami: You're an asshat, but for some reason I'll hire you to teach me to ski anyway.
Gin: Ok, here's how to ski. See, you put your feet like this and... oh god, you are SO BAD at it. Look, even these 5-year-olds are better than you. You're a pathetic excuse for a skier's bride-to-be.
Nanami: Waaaaaaaaah.
Erika: Yeah, he's an asshole. But he used to be a world champion skier. See, let's watch this video of the last contest he entered, where he took a bad jump and broke his leg. Hahahahaha! I cannot stop laughing when I watch him break his leg. Hahahahaha.
Nanami: Waaaaaaaaah.
Gin: Ok, I am going to stop being an asshole long enough to have this endearing scene where I ski down from the chapel with Nanami, holding hands with her, pretending to be her husband, so that maybe if nothing else she can figure out how to semi-gracefully not fall on her ass while someone else drags her down the chapel slope. Whoops, there she goes again.
Nanami: Waaaaaaaaah.
Yuji: We really desperately want to be relevant characters in this movie, but it's difficult.
Jiro: Yeah, seriously. I mean, Gin is even in the title of the movie, sheesh. Well, how about if we go off and do some cool skiing tricks for a while?
Audience: Cool, because the only interesting thing in this movie IS the skiing.
Yuji, Jiro: Also, we seem to have found a hot spring right by our house.
Gin: Dude. Let's bash the ice until we set it off. [WHOOOOOOOSH]
Yuji: Awesome. Blowing things up is cool.
Gin: Let's set off fireworks too while we're at it!!!
Yuji, Jiro: Yeah! [BOOOOOM!]
Ski resort: Uh, who the hell blew up the ice chapel?
Patrol: Nanami, we have really bad news for you. Your husband-to-be died.
Nanami: ...
Audience: OMG lame plot hole.
Patrol: Also, someone blew up the ice chapel.
Nanami: ...I think I'm going to go commit suicide now by wandering into a huge snowstorm.
Patrol: It must have been THOSE THREE GUYS! Everything bad is their fault. [arrests them]
Gin: No way! I'm gonna go save Nanami! [starts a big fight, escapes]
Everyone: Why? You think she's a moron who can't ski.
Gin: Because someone finally sent me the script and told me it was a love story. Also, did you notice they never even hired an actor to be Nanami's fiance? If I had noticed that I might have been a lot nicer to her before.
Nanami: It's so cold. I think I'm going to die.
Audience: Actually, why aren't you ALREADY dead? You've been lying in a snowstorm for hours and aren't even wearing a hat or scarf.
Gin: Wheeeeee! I'm gonna parachute in and save you!
Snowstorm: No you aren't.
Gin: Am too.
Nanami: Dude, I WANTED to die. Why the hell are you here?
Gin: You do not. And at least, *I* don't want to die, so let's make a cave in this snowbank and chat for a while so you can find out I'm only 70% asshole, not 99% asshole. You can yell at me after we get home from this.
Nanami: Look at me, I finally figured out how to ski a whopping 15 meters down from the destroyed ice chapel without falling on my ass. I did it. I did it!
Gin: Yeah, I'm proud of you. I'm the best teacher ever.
Everyone: Yay! Happy ending!
Nanami: Waaaaah. Well, I guess I'll go back to Tokyo now and figure out what the hell to do with my life now. Waaaaaah.
Gin: Well, uh, goodbye.
Gin: Wait a minute, I'm in love with you. Don't go!
Nanami: Wait WHAT?
Gin: [realizes what he just said] AAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAA!1 AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! [runs off]
Ski resort: Uh, bye Nanami. Uhh... wtf?
Gin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! AAAAA!
Yuji, Jiro: WTF?
Gin: AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Audience: Ok, honestly, what the hell is going on here?
Gin: I'm gonna enter the ski jumping competition! Which just happens to be on this same day that Nanami was originally getting married. Isn't that convenient?
Audience: Whatever.
Skiers: Wheee! [jump, somersault, twist, jump, etc]
Nanami: [waits at train station]
Jiro: Nanami! YOU CAN'T GO HOME YET THE PLOT ISN'T OVER. [kidnaps Nanami on patrol's ski bike]
Nanami: What the
Jiro: No, really. This is going to be AWESOME. Vroom!
Announcers: HE IS BACK! SURPRISE ENTRY IN THE CONTEST, SHIROYAMA GIN!!!!!
Gin: Yeah!!! I rock!!! I'm gonna start up my career again.
Audience: Hold on a fucking minute, you haven't been training for this or anything, all you've been doing is running around being an asshole for the last few days, doing crazy stunts like paraskiing and stuff.
Director: Shhhh, this is the suspension of disbelief part.
Audience: Whatever. It's your fault when you fall on your ass.
Gin: Wheeeeee look at me go!!!! [does first jump and a perfect somersault]
Yuji: Woooo, look at him go!
Nanami and Jiro: [arrives] Holy crap.
Yuji: Wait a minute, this second jump looks bad.
Gin: Yeah, I think I fucked up. [lands on ass, tumbles down hill]
Audience: Told you so.
Ski resort: Call the paramedics! Man down!
Nanami: Gin, if I could ski down 15 meters from that stupid church there is NO REASON you can't get off your ass and finish going down this slope.
Gin: I guess she's right. [gets up, skis down slope]
Ski resort: YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!! This is so awesome! Gin's gonna be a pro skier again! Now we can stop blaming everything on him and instead cheer for him all of a sudden! Let's take a picture!
Audience: Well, ok, I guess it was a happy ending.
Audience: Can we see some funny skiing outtakes now and listen to a nice song by Kobukuro? Thanks.
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