![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Hana Yori Dango 2, the "abridged version"
Well, a bit over a year ago I wrote an abridged version of Hana Yori Dango season 1, of the dorama at least. Keep in mind I've never read the manga or seen the anime, just the doramas.
Season 2 just finished airing, so it'd be a real shame if I didn't write one of these for it too, right? Besides, now you can all save yourself the 11 hours of watching it!
(In case you forgot, Makino and Domyouji are the main couple. She's poor, he's rich. F4 ("flower four") is Rui, Soujirou, Akira, and Domyouji, all of whom are rich kids. Eitoku's the high school they all went to. Yuuki is Makino's best friend, who sort of started to get a crush on Soujirou in the first season. Also, Domyouji's mom hates Makino, but pretty much everyone else around him thinks she's great because she curbs his violent instincts. Go figure. Oh yeah, and a "red tag" is this thing where the entire school beats up on whoever's tagged. Domyouji flew off to NYC at the end of the first season to go to business school because he's too dumb to take over the family corporation.)
Makino: I'm in New York! I'm lost! I don't really speak English! Let me go try to find help anyway!
Random American Dude: Hi! I'll help! Wait! You make no sense! Get lost!
Random Black Dude: In accordance with racial stereotypes, I am now going to steal your stuff. [steals bag]
Makino: CRAAAAAAAP! [runs after them]
Random Gang Members: Yo wussup little Jap chick! We totally gonna mug yo' ass.
Makino: DOMYOUJIIIIIIII!
Audience: Okay, WHAT the fuck is going on?
Makino: I will explain. Here is a flashback.
F4: We graduated, but we still hang out at Eitoku, because we're rich and have nothing better to do.
Yuuki: I'm still the only person in this series who's not a complete dipshit.
Junpei: I'm a model! Or a nerd! Or a model! Or a nerd! Oh who cares, I'm only in this show for one episode anyway.
Junpei: Makino, I love you! Everyone else at this school sucks!
Makino: Junpei, what gives with getting us shown on the cover of this fashion magazine? Are you CRAZY?
Eitoku: HAHAHA LOOK, RED TAG MAKINO. U DED!
Audience: This isn't a rerun, is it?
Junpei: No! Because this time *I* am here to save her! I am a model, not a nerd!
Rui: Makino, go to NYC and figure out why your idiot boyfriend sent you a red tag again.
Makino's dad: Look, I won a free ticket to NYC! Is this a plot hook or what?
Makino: Oh FINE whatever. I don't even know if he's still my boyfriend since he doesn't call, write, or send me death threats anymore. [gets on plane]
[end flashback]
Makino: OKAY THIS SUCKS I DON'T LIKE NEW YORK CITY HEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Rui: Hey, look, I can speak English. And just by aiming a toy gun at those gang members, I'm going to make them go away.
Makino: Oh god Rui, you're so cool. And I'm so screwed. And hungry.
Rui: No biggie. Go have a plot dog.
Domyouji, at hot dog stand: What the hell are you doing here?
Makino: What the hell are YOU doing here?
Domyouji: I'm getting a hot dog. Why are you in NYC?
Makino: I came to NYC to see y... I mean, I came here because my dad won a plane ticket. It seems like a, um, nice city.
Domyouji: Well, then FINE. I'm too busy to deal with you anyway. [runs off]
Akira: This season I actually have a background! Apparently my dad's connected with a whole bunch of underground stuff. Thus, I can magically summon your bag back from those thugs. Cool, huh?
Makino: Oh, I'm so happy you're finally smoking plot. Thanks for helping.
Akira: No biggie. By the way, we're going to go see Domyouji tomorrow. Come with us.
Makino: Ok. [wanders off to see NYC]
Tsubaki: Hi little sis! I'm making a cameo and taking you shopping! :D :D :D
Makino: You totally can't buy me all this stuff.
Tsubaki: Can too. After all, you put up with my retarded little brother for all of last season. I'll forever be in your debt for getting him off my back.
Shigeru: FUCK YOU STUPID POLICE ARE YOU ARRESTING ME FOR BEING JAPANESE? FUUUUUCK!
Makino: I can't decide which is scarier, that girl or this city.
Blonde Boy College Posse: HOW DARE YOU MESS WITH THE GREAT DOMYOUJI?
Audience: Oh my god, this is totally fucking unreal.
Makino: Goddamnit Domyouji, just come talk to me for a bit, stop acting like a total ass.
Domyouji: You don't understand, I *am* a total ass.
Makino: I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOUR LIGHTS OUT LIKE I DID IN THE FIRST SEASON!!!! [tries to slug him]
Domyouji: No you're not. [ducks] I have no time for your crap anymore, little girl. [runs off]
Makino: Fuck this, I'm going back to Japan. I hate you.
F4: By the way, Domyouji, why did you leave Makino a red tag?
Domyouji: I didn't.
F4: O RLY?
Soujirou: I wonder if someone ELSE left it? Nah, that's impossible. Only F4 can leave F4 red tags. Duh.
Eitoku: DIE MAKINO DIE RED TAG AHAHAHAHAHA WHEEEEEE!
Junpei: I'm a model! I WILL SAVE YOU MAKINOOOOOOOO
Junpei: I'm a nerd! Actually, I *was* the one who left the fake F4 red tag, and now I'm going to kidnap you and ransom you in a warehouse to get back at Domyouji for beating up my brother. I somehow have this feeling they imported this plot differently in the first season, but what the heck, I didn't write the script.
Tsubaki: Don't ask how I'm here to save you, Makino, I just am.
Makino: Oh thank god. By the way... I know I said I don't care about him... but... I AM REALLY IN LOVE WITH DOMYOUJI AFTER ALL! WHICH MEANS THERE'S A POINT TO HAVING SEASON 2!
Audience: Hooray!
Domyouji's mom: We're having a big birthday party for Domyouji. Also, I have a big announcement to make. He is engaged to the extremely rich daughter of the world's biggest oil magnate...
Shigeru: Me? WHAT?
Makino: Her? Crazy NYC chick?
Domyouji: Uhhh... wait, I thought I had a different fabricated fiance in season 1.
Shigeru: I'm so crazy! Watch me play the piano and sing!
Makino: I suck at piano! Watch me be embarrassed by Domyouji's mom!
Domyouji: COME WITH ME MAKINO, WE NEED TO TALK. [grabs Shigeru's hand and drags her off]
Shigeru: Oooooh, I like you, pretty-boy, even if you are dumb as rocks. [bites his ear]
Domyouji: OH FUCK I GRABBED THE WRONG ONE. GO AWAY, MONKEY-GIRL! I HATE YOU!
Shigeru: I think I'll just drop by Eitoku and prove how damn cool I am. By the way, Makino... can we be friends? I really like Domyouji and I need your help to win him over.
Makino: Oh uh... well... uhh... sure!
Shigeru: So I'll also drop by your house and buy your poor poor family a lot of fancy food and spend the night and NOW WE ARE BSET FRIENDS 4EVER!!!!!!!
Yuuki: Hold on a second, *I* am Makino's best friend.
Shigeru: Friendships are tough. Let's go shopping. [buys them expensive necklaces]
Domyouji: I keep having this nightmare where some guy is jumping off a building. I think it's my fault.
Audience: If you keep having it and we don't find out why soon, it's going to get really annoying.
Domyouji: Tell me about it.
Akira: I have a great idea, Soujirou.
Soujirou: What, that we should go take out Shigeru and try to make her give up on Domyouji?
Shigeru: HAHAHA NO WAY, YOU LAMERS COULD NEVER KEEP UP WITH SOMEONE LIKE ME. [totally wears them out]
Akira: Oh god, what we were we thinking?
Soujirou: I hate her.
Yuuki: I like you.
Soujirou: I know, but you know we don't get any plot time until episode 6 or so, right? Go away.
Akira: Makino, we tried to help, but seriously, you've got to go get Domyouji back on your own. Otherwise that crazy monkey girl is totally going to brainwash him or something.
Makino: [gets out special gold cellphone] DOMYOUJI. 1PM. SUNDAY. EBISU SQUARE GARDEN.
Domyouji: Woohoo! A date with Makino! I think I'll invite Monkey Girl so she'll see me with Makino and BUGGER OFF.
Shigeru: Nothin' doin! I'm gonna get here early and SMOOCH YOU!
Makino: Ewwww! [leaves]
Domyouji: Ewwww! [punches Shigeru] Fuck off!
Shigeru: Fine, I'll just stalk you instead.
Domyouji: Why [waiting] isn't [waiting] Makino [waiting] here? I BET THIS IS ALL MY MOM'S FAULT.
Domyouji's mom: If you seriously think I have time for this crap, you'll be late for the big engagement party tomorrow.
Domyouji: Ooo, I like parties. HEY WAIT A MINUTE.
Rui: I would totally try to help work out this crap between you guys, except I decided I'm in love with Makino again.
Makino: Good, because now I have someone who can help me study for the law school exam!
Shigeru: I have figured out several significant things now:
1. If Domyouji doesn't marry me, his company is screwed.
2. Bringing lots of fancy food to Makino's house is really fun and makes me feel like a good person.
3. Makino and Yuuki are my best friends! And they will totally help me win over Domyouji!
Shigeru: What I have not figured out, of course, is that Makino and Domyouji are destined to be together. After all, I wasn't IN the first season.
Akira: Everyone's invited to my place. It'll be fun.
Akira's mom: I dress like a 14-year-old Gothic Lolita frilly Harajuku Girl and slide around the room like I'm in some sort of Barbie dream house! I love tea parties! Please have some cookies!
Akira's little sisters: WE ARE CUDDLY, CUTE, FRILLY, AND ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING.
Makino and Yuuki: This is totally fucked up.
F4: This is totally normal.
Akira: And you wonder why I only go after older women.
Soujirou: STOP TRYING TO FIX ME UP WITH YUUKI. [leaves]
Yuuki: But I'm taking tea ceremony classes now! Just for your sake! [follows]
Makino: STOP TRYING TO FIX ME BACK UP WITH DOMYOUJI. [leaves]
Domyouji: But you totally don't understand what is up with monkey girl hey COME BACK HERE oh hell. [pines]
Makino's dad: I fucked up. We're even poorer than the poorest poor people.
Makino: Okay, I'll get another job working at a construction site. Because I mean, it's not like the rest of you ever work.
Makino: ARGH WORKING HARD LABOR ALL NIGHT AND STUDYING FOR THE LAW EXAM AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS-- [faints]
Domyouji: Okay fine, I'll go out with you, Monkey Girl.
Shigeru: WOOHOO! Also, my name is Shigeru.
Domyouji: Whatever, let's just get this over with.
Shigeru's parents: Blah blah blah, marriage business merger blah blah blah fancy dinner blah blah blah.
Nishida: [passes a note to Domyouji that says Makino collapsed and is in the hospital]
Domyouji: OH FUCK! [runs out]
Domyouji's mom, Shigeru's parents: OMGWTFHAX!
Nishida: Heh heh heh.
Rui: I'll take care of Makino, don't worry. I love her very very much.
Makino's parents: All you rich pretty boys are the same as far as we care, the operative word being "rich". Please, take our daughter!
Domyouji: [overhearing in hospital hallway] Uhhh... what... uhh... [leaves without even saying hi to anyone]
Makino: [wakes up next day] God I'm exhausted and WHY IS RUI SLEEPING HERE HOLDING MY HAND?
Rui: Because I love you! [kisses her]
Audience: If there were any justice in the world, the show would end right now and Rui and Makino would live happily ever after together.
Makino: No way. The script says I'm in love with Domyouji, so I am. [hides under blankets]
Audience: But he's a retard and Rui's a wonderful guy who loves you!
Makino: You seem to have this impression that I have any logic whatsoever to my actions.
Rui: Yeah, so, I slept next to her all night.
F4: Way to go! Wait a minute, does Domyouji know?
Rui: God, I hope not.
Domyouji: [shows up] I AM TRYING REALLY HARD TO PRETEND I DON'T KNOW YOU DID ANYTHING.
F4: YOU ARE DOING AN EXTREMELY BAD JOB.
Rui: So when are you getting married, dumbass?
Domyouji: I AM TOTALLY NOT GETTING MARRIED. [cellphone rings]
Shigeru: Yay! You're my fiance! Let's go on a date!
Domyouji: GODDAMNIT! [leaves]
Yuuki: Rui kissed you? Really?
Soujirou: He kissed her? Really? Man, that's going to make things complicated.
Yuuki: Makino's been through a lot of tough stuff this year. Don't make it worse.
Soujirou: Love is stupid and blind.
Soujirou: Stop looking at me like that.
Makino's family: We suck, so we had to go move to a tiny little fishing village. Bye kids! Hope you can find somewhere to live!
Makino: OH FUCK WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
Sara: Hi, I'm Yuuki's tea ceremony instructor, and it's about TIME I had something to do in this show. Let me find you a free place to live.
Makino: Free apartment! Yay!
Shigeru: Hey, loverboy, let's go rent a hotel room and, y'know, nudge nudge wink wink.
Domyouji: I totally cannot stand you but sure, whatever.
Shigeru: You're acting weird. I think I'll go pretend to take a shower and see if you leave.
Domyouji: I guess I'm predictable. [leaves]
Shigeru, at Makino's new place: OMG that Domyouji is an asshat. Also, I have finally begun to suspect that maybe something used to be going on between you two. But let me help you set up your new place anyway, because I actually am a nice person underneath all the craziness.
Makino: You are WAY too smart and nice for him, obviously.
Domyouji: MOM DID YOU SCREW UP THINGS FOR MAKINO'S FAMILY AGAIN LIKE YOU DID IN SEASON 1?
Domyouji's mom: First, I don't have time for that kind of crap. Second, I thought you gave up on that sewer rat?
Domyouji: DON'T CALL MY... NOT-REALLY-ANYMORE-BUT-WHATEVER-GIRLFRIEND THAT! [leaves]
Domyouji's mom: Nishida, go keep an eye on him and make sure he stops fucking things up.
Nishida: You really have no idea that I'm on his side, do you?
Makino: See, bro, this apartment isn't so bad once we clean it up, eh?
Susumu: Except there's something scary lurking outside the door!
Makino: ARRRGH kill it kill it kill it! [runs out swinging a baseball bat]
Domyouji: IM IN UR APRTMENT BILDING SCARING UR NEIGHBRS!
Makino: Arrgggghh!!! [beats the crap out of Domyouji]
Domyouji: Cut it the fuck out, it's just me!
Susumu: Oh hey big bro :D How about I leave you two alone huh? ;) [goes next door]
Makino: Don't you even THINK of trying anything.
Domyouji: Umm, I learned this metaphor for love and figs once, except I think I forgot it.
Cellphone: [RING! RING! RING!]
Domyouji: DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE. [tackles Makino, as both the phone answers AND the door opens, revealing Shigeru]
Shigeru: I AM NOT A MONKEY. [stomps out angrily]
Rui: [holds phone, silently says WTF]
Makino: Wait!
Domyouji: Stay. OR ELSE. I want to know what the fuck is going on.
Audience: So do we.
Makino: You're engaged to Shigeru so what do you care that Rui kissed me?
Domyouji: OMFG SLUT.
Makino: GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT YOU BASTARD!
Domyouji: I own the building!
Rui: Domyouji, you've done a piss-poor job of making Makino happy, so I am officially demoting you from that job and promoting myself.
Domyouji: The HELL you are. Are you serious?
F4: Well, actually...
Rui: Fuck you for treating her like shit and treating us like shit too. [punches him out]
Makino: You what?
Rui: I love you. You make me happy. I'm a lot less psychotic than Domyouji, and I will treat you well. How come you aren't in love with me any more like you were last season? It would make things so much simpler.
Audience: Awwwww.
Susumu: [dejected]
Domyouji: What gives, lil' bro?
Susumu: I fell in love with this girl who lent me an eraser at my entrance exam and I don't know her name and I'm too shy and I don't know what to do!
Domyouji: Woohoo! This will be awesome! I will totally help you. Battle stations, F4!
Susumu: What?
Domyouji: We're going to take care of you F4-style. Makeover, fashion advice, and consultation on love letter writing and presentation skills. It's pretty standard.
Susumu: Sweeeet.
Domyouji: It's really interesting helping you out like this. I never had a little brother.
Audience: Thank god for that.
Susumu: Eraser girl, I love you! [gives her letter]
Eraser girl: Sorry, not interested.
Susumu: ARGH!
Domyouji: ARGH!
Makino: WTF? Did you fail your exam?
[Susumu and Domyouji exchange a LOOK]
Makino: And what are you two conspiring about?
Susumu: Stop being such a bitch, sis.
Makino: I'm not a bitch, he's a freak, stop hanging out with him.
Domyouji: When will you get it through your head that I love you?
Makino: When you stop being a jerkbag!
Nishida: I have to tell you some stuff about Ken Ushida, that dude that Domyouji keeps having nightmares about jumping off a building.
Audience: Finally.
Nishida: See, he worked for our company, and he was good friends with Domyouji, and well, Domyouji did something stupid that caused a ton of layoffs, including this friend, whose family eventually went broke and he committed suicide.
Makino: That's fucked up.
Nishida: So's he, but now maybe you understand why.
Domyouji: Honey, I'm home!
Makino: First, I am not your honey. Second, this is not your home.
Susumu: Big bro, we're having hotpot for dinner, you should stay!
Domyouji: Woohoo! I get to try poor people food! Makino you're the best! [hugs her]
Makino: GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY CHEST YOU PERVERT! [throws him into the floor]
Floor: I can't take this any more. [collapses]
Makino and Domyouji: AAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH! [fall into the apartment below]
Elderly downstairs neighbors: Why, it's nice of you young kids to drop into our apartment and all, but we were rather fond of having a ceiling, you know?
Yuuki: Guess what, this is the Valentine's Day episode.
Makino: Guess what, I have no place to live now that my apartment doesn't have a floor.
Tsubaki: Guess what, I'm going to smuggle you into the Domyouji mansion in a crate, and let you live in our attic. Okay?
Makino: Huh, I guess that works. But why?
Tsubaki: Well, because when I was in high school I was in love with a normal guy, and then my mom made me marry the son of a hotel magnate that the Domyouji group was merging with, and I think that's a terrible plot, so I'd rather my little brother doesn't go through it. Plus, I think you're good for his sanity, so if you stay here in this house with your Magic Circle Against Retard (30' radius) up at all times, he's less likely to break things or beat people up.
Shigeru: Argh, I screwed up making Valentine's Day cookies.
Yuuki: Argh, I want to confess to this guy on Valentine's Day, but...
Sara: Valentine's Day is the worst holiday ever. Don't talk to me about it.
Soujirou: [elsewhere] Valentine's Day is the worst holiday ever. Don't talk to me about it.
Audience: Hey, why do I get this feeling these two have a history...
Sara: But you're a nice girl, Yuuki, so I will help you make chocolates after tea ceremony class, okay?
F4: So Makino, do we need to help you with your housing situation?
Makino: [mumbles something about staying with a "friend"]
Makino: You should go visit Yuuki at her tea ceremony place! I am not changing the subject on purpose, really.
Domyouji: Hi guys! Uhh... I need a clever ruse to get Makino to go away. HEY YOUR EXAM RESULTS ARE IN.
Domyouji: So anyway, guys, get this, she's living in my attic. No, I am not getting any. Shut up.
Makino: [on phone] I PASSED MY EXAM!!!!!!!!!!!
Rui: [on phone] Great!
Rui: [to Domyouji] You're such a jackass.
Domyouji: AREN'T YOU JEALOUS OF ME? But seriously, she's mine and not yours, so bugger off.
Rui: I'm invoking Shoujo Manga Plot #14 on you.
Domyouji: What?
Rui: Let her decide. Whoever she gives Valentine's chocolates to wins.
Yuuki: Sara, thank you so much for helping me make chocolates.
Soujirou and Akira: Hey Yuuki, we thought we'd drop in at your tea ceremony class and visit you!
Sara: OMGWTFBBQ. [runs off]
Akira: Oooh, tea ceremony class full of older women to hit on!
Soujirou: Why, allow me to step in and give some of my guidance to your tea ceremony class.
Tea Ladies: WOOOO!!! F4!!!
Soujirou: Uh. I recognize this tea bowl. Is Hinata Sara the normal instructor here?
Yuuki: Yeah, but she ran off when you guys showed up for some reason.
Yuuki: HEY WAIT A MINUTE.
Rui: [plays violin in the window like a bishounen, wondering if Makino will call him]
Domyouji: Well, Makino, it's Valentine's Day, so DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE ME? HEH HEH HEH I WIN.
Makino: Yeah... I do. [hands him long flat box]
Domyouji: This is a very strange box for chocolates to come in.
Makino: That is because it doesn't contain chocolates.
Makino: It contains the Saturn pendant you gave me last season, which I am returning to you, because I think I'm going to go insane if I continue to date you.
Domyouji: WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? I WILL NEVER LOVE ANYBODY EXCEPT FOR YOU AND YOU ARE JUST THROWING THAT AWAY. [throws pendant case in the river and stalks away fuming mad to go find people to beat up]
Audience: Well, technically, YOU are throwing it away...
Makino: Oh god, I feel faint, as if a flashback was coming on. [gets overwhelmed by flashback]
Makino: Maybe I should go recover that pendant. Maybe I do love Domyouji after all. Maybe I'm about to get swept away in a waterfall. [runs across riverbank]
Tama: I spy from the corner of my eye a plot hook that will shortly fly!
Makino: So, I am going to work as a maid in the Domyouji mansion, because being a freeloader makes me feel bad.
Domyouji: I WILL NOT HAVE MY GIRLFRIEND WORKING AS A SERVANT. Though you look awfully cute in that maid outfit.
Tama: Let's get a few things straight here.
1. I have been working in this household for sixty years. *I* rule this house, not you.
2. Your mom made me come back to keep an eye on you.
3. But I think this Makino chick is pretty cool.
4. AND MAKINO, DON'T CALL ME OLD LADY, CALL ME SEMPAI.
Makino: Okay Sempai! So what should I do now?
Tama: Clean the entire goddamn house. You are WORKING here, aren't you? Grab a broom. [drags her off]
Akira: Hey Domyouji, umm, do you have any clue where Soujirou is? I haven't seen him since Valentine's Day.
Okami: Hey, Makino, have you seen Yuuki? She hasn't come to work since Valentine's Day.
Domyouji: Let's go search for our friends together. It'll be a good bonding experience.
Makino: Okay. Maybe I will discover that you are not such a bad person, you simply have bad taste in hot dogs.
Akira: I just remembered an important plot point about Soujirou and Sara from last year. She's like his ex-girlfriend or ex-crush or something. I think she asked him out last Valentine's Day and he stood her up.
Yuuki: I figured out the same exact thing. But it's irrelevant because Sara quit the tea ceremony school and moved away!
Soujirou: You both suck at this game, I've already tracked her down to this little farm miles away in the middle of nowhere.
Sara: Jirou, what on earth are you doing here?
Soujirou: I was, uh, just in the neighborhood and thought I'd return your tea bowl. By the way, you WERE in love with my older brother, right?
Sara: No, I thought of your older brother as being like an older brother. Jirou, you're such a dumbass.
Soujirou: So wait a minute, you're saying you really were in love with me all along?
Sara: Let me make a few things clear. First, I'm getting married to that guy over there who's working on pottery. Second, Yuuki is a really nice girl and she really likes you, so you should go out with her. Third... I think you could have easily figured out how I felt about you if you weren't a complete moron. Also, your timing sucks.
Soujirou: Well, uh, then, have a nice life, I guess? [rides off, depressed]
Makino: Oh my god, we found you, Yuuki!
Yuuki: After spending a week wandering around the Tokyo Tower area, I found the building.
Makino: What building?
Yuuki: The building... where... Sara was going to confess to Soujirou on Valentine's Day... I told him to meet me there tomorrow morning at 6am, just as Sara did that time. There's something he needs to see... [goes and waits on rooftop]
Soujirou: I already turned down one girl who told me to go to a building at 6am, no reason not to turn down another one. [parties in hostess bars all night]
Domyouji: Hey Soujirou, you really should go to that building already.
Soujirou: Well, okay. [runs off]
Yuuki: Thank god you're here! Come over here and look at this.
Soujirou: I don't get it. A sukiyaki restaurant and some place called Cafe Jirou?
Yuuki: Oh just WAIT a minute goddamnit.
Sun: Time to rise! Happy morning! [SHINES BRIGHT LIGHT, OBSCURING HALF OF BOTH OF THE SIGNS]
Soujirou: Suki... Jirou?
Soujirou: Wait a minute, that's me.
Soujirou: OH GOD I AM A FUCKING MORON. [breaks down crying]
Yuuki: Doesn't this bring you a nice sense of closure?
Soujirou: I have no idea what you just said, but I'm starting to think you're not so bad after all.
Soujirou: So, the upshot, Makino, is "ichigo ichie".
Makino: What?
Soujirou: Don't fuck up your chances like I did, essentially.
Makino: Okay. Domyouji, I'm going to tell Rui that I can't go out with him because I like you.
Domyouji: Bonus!
Shigeru: I haven't really been meddling enough lately, so I'm just going to show up out of the blue and try to jump you again. [starts taking off all of her clothes]
Audience: Oh brother, why hasn't she been written out of the plot yet?
Domyouji: ARGH PUT ON SOME CLOTHES AND GET OUT OF MY ROOM, MONKEY GIRL.
Shigeru: My name is Shigeru and I am getting married to you, so get used to it. [tackles him onto bed]
Makino: [hears noise, peeks in, sees the scene] OMFG! [runs off] OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG!
Domyouji: Oh crap. Look, I am not marrying you. I don't even like you. STOP BEING AS STUBBORN AS ME!
Domyouji: Dammit, now Makino's going to be all pissed at me again.
Rui: I'm still not convinced you're capable of making Makino happy, so I don't want to give up on her.
Domyouji: In an extremely rare event for me, I am going to get down on my hands and knees and beg you to give her up.
Rui: Whoa.
Rui: Well, since THAT'S a once-in-a-lifetime sight, maybe I will reconsider.
Domyouji's mom: I AM BACK IN JAPAN! FEAR ME!
Tama: No.
Domyouji's mom: Why do I have this feeling you are hiding Makino Tsukushi in this house?
Tama: Because I am. And you know what? I've been head of this house since before you were born, so fuck off.
Domyouji's mom: [stammers]
Audience: HAHAHA PWN3D.
Makino: Holy shit. why are you defending me like that?
Tama: Because quite frankly, Domyouji's been a violent little brat for his entire life, and you are the only person I have ever seen that gets him to stop being such a jerkbag.
Makino: All I did was punch his lights out at school last year.
Tama: Which is exactly what that bastard needed. That's why he loves you. And I will defend you to the death!
Domyouji: Tama fucking rules!
Nishida: You're still totally fucked. I just think you need to know that.
Domyouji's mom: If you think you can weasel out of this marriage business, you're really deluded.
Rui: Finally, I think Domyouji's going to do something not completely retarded.
Soujirou: I dunno about that. If the Domyouji zaibatsu fails, it's going to totally fuck up the Japanese economy.
Akira: True dat, but at least our retarded friend has found TWOO WUV! So I think we should cheer him on.
Domyouji: I only showed up at this marriage/merger dinner talk in order to tell your parents I can't marry you.
Shigeru: Bah, that's what you think. First, they'll never forgive you. Second, I have a SECRET PLAN!
Audience and Domyouji: Uhoh, that sounds ominous.
Shigeru's dad: Woohoo! My little girl is getting married!
Shigeru: Am not.
Audience and Domyouji: WHAT?
Shigeru: I don't want to marry this retard, he's really not my type.
Shigeru: But, Daddy, since this split is all my fault, you still have to do the merger. Pleeeeeeeeease?
Shigeru's dad: Well, anything for my little girl.
Domyouji: OKAY WHAT THE FUCK.
Shigeru: I finally watched last season's ending and I feel like a meanyhead for getting in the way of you and Makino. Oopsie! But let me tell you something -- you BETTER make her happy or I will FUCKING KICK YOUR ASS.
Shigeru, in voice mail to Makino: I'm really sorry I was a total bitch and lied to you. I'm returning to New York with my parents. I hope we can be friends in the future.
Makino: [running through the airport] Shigeru! Shigeru! I'm sorry too! I don't know what to say but you know, in the future you should come over sometime and we'll bake cookies and do each other's hair and stuff.
Shigeru: Okiedokie :) :) CUL8R! Bye-bye! [boards plane]
Domyouji: Crap, I just missed her, didn't I?
Makino: Yeah.
Domyouji: Well, there's no obstacles now! Take my hand, woman, and we'll march forth to happiness!
Domyouji's mom: [shows up and glares]
Makino: No obstacles, huh?
Domyouji: Will you just butt out of my love life and go back to New York already?
Domyouji's mom: No. I hate your girlfriend and I'm going to disown your sorry ass unless you stop seeing her.
Domyouji: It's all good! Look, the light is green! Let's go!
Makino: GOD this food is great! You always pick the best restaurants, even if they're super expensive. All I know how to cook is nabe.
Domyouji: Well, we will have to eat nabe together sometime then.
Waiter: I'm sorry, sir, but your credit cards don't work.
Domyouji: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO, I AM THE GREAT DOMYOUJI.
Waiter: I don't know, but your cards don't work.
Makino: Stop making a scene! I'll pay with cash! Whoa, role reversal!
Domyouji: I am SO embarrassed. I can't believe my mom cancelled my credit cards. I guess this is what it's like to be disowned.
Audience: Well, actually, yes, you've technically been dissed AND owned.
Makino: It's all good! Look, the light is green! Let's go!
Makino: I'm going to teach you how to go on dates like a poor person.
Domyouji: OH GOD I AM SCARED OF DOGS, AND PARKS, AND PEOPLE, AND EVERYTHING ELSE.
Nishida: You should probably be scared of your fucking mom, because she fired me. Don't worry, I won't jump off a building.
Makino and Domyouji: OH CRAP.
Domyouji's mom: Shigeru's family's company won't merge with us, so we're fucked.
Soujiro and Akira: This means the Japanese economy is pretty fucked.
Makino: This means everyone I know is pretty fucked.
Yuuki: It's okay, you can still stay at my house.
Domyouji: Suddenly I am having those dreams about Ken jumping off a building again.
Makino: Okay, bitch, if I promise to never see your son again, will you stop fucking up everyone's lives and the economy?
Domyouji's mom: OF COURSE! I WIN!!! MUHAHAHAHA.
Domyouji: This rain sucks now that I can't afford a taxi. But Makino, we're going to live happily ever after.
Makino: Actually... uh... we're not... I promised your mom I'd dump you. So, bye.
Domyouji: ...
Tama: WHAT
Tama: Hello, I did *not* spend four episodes defending you just for you to totally fuck up the plot like this.
Makino: Hi mom! Hi dad! Hi bro! What a great fishing village you live in! Is it possible that we're even poorer than we were before? Wow!
Makino's family: We're all seasick wusses who are basically spending our time earning pennies a day to dry seaweed.
Makino: I *LOVE* my family.
Makino: No, really.
Ken: I'm alive!
Domyouji: WTF?!?!?!?!
Ken: Your mom set me up to fake my suicide jumping off a building and cause you permanent emotional damage, but in reality, I just jumped off a balcony and landed on a mattress ten feet below. See, you were supposed to be in NYC and never see me again. I'm so sorry!
Domyouji: I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE ALIVE!
Ken: You're not angry at me?
Domyouji: No, I'm angry at that knifing old hag for doing such a terrible thing to both of us.
Ken: You mean conniving, right?
Domyouji: Whatever.
Makino's family: We can't actually pay our rent while drying seaweed. But when the people here found out you were Domyouji's girlfriend, they said we could pay it back later.
Makino: Oh great. Fortunately for you all, I will actually go get a REAL fishing job rather than tell you I had to dump Domyouji.
Tohyama: I think I am going to jump off this cliff now because my company is failing and my life sucks.
Makino: You think your life sucks? My family is the poorest family in Japan and I just had to dump the man of my dreams to come live here and catch and gut fish all day. What's your deal?
Tohyama: Well, I was CEO of a small computer company, and we invented some software which will revolutionize the computer industry in Japan... but we haven't been able to get anyone to buy it and we're out of money and I've failed everyone.
Makino: But you're a CEO! That's SO cool! Don't kill yourself, I'd be really depressed if I had to watch, anyway.
Tohyama: You are a REALLY weird girl, but maybe you're right. I think I'll live! And maybe I'll return as a plot point later!
Makino: Hooray!
Domyouji: Guess what Makino! Ken's alive! My mom's a bitch!
Villagers: OMG ITS DOMYOUJI! RICH GUY RICH GUY RICH GUY!
Domyouji: Well, actually, I've been disowned by my family, but I want to be with Makino anyway. Will you take me back?
Makino: I would, except all of these villagers are in the way.
Villagers: OMG DOMYOUJI OMG DOMYOUJI [crowds him]
Susumu: Stop! STOP STOP STOP! [gets pushed off cliff]
Domyouji: OH NO LITTLE BRO! [also gets pushed off cliff]
Susumu: I'm okay, but Domyouji's been knocked out. I have a bad feeling this is another plot hook.
Rui: Domyouji's finally awake! Yay!
F4: Yay!
Makino: Hi!
Domyouji: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
Makino: I'm your girlfriend, retard.
Domyouji: I HATE UGLY POOR GIRLS LIKE YOU. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
Makino: Uh.
F4: Uh.
Audience: Uh.
Doctor: It appears that dumb-youji over there is suffering from selective amnesia. Basically, he was thinking about Makino so much that when he was knocked out, it made him completely forget her. He seems to have the rest of his mind intact, not that there was all that much there to begin with.
Umi: Hi! I am the sweetest, nicest girl on the planet! Everyone in the hospital loves me! Makino, let's be friends!
Makino: Uhhhhh... okay, whatever.
Umi: [seeing Rui] Your boyfriend is really hot.
Rui: I hate you. [walks off]
Domyouji: [stumbles down the hallway]
Umi: Hi! I'm Umi! Everyone loves me! I'm another plot obstacle!
Domyouji: SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY WAY.
Umi: NO, YOU SHUT UP. YOU SHOULD USE CRUTCHES IF YOU'RE GOING TO STUMBLE AROUND LIKE THAT.
Domyouji: Hey, I like girls who yell at me, don't I...
Makino: [reenacts various scenes from the first season to try to jog Domyouji's memory of her]
Domyouji: GET OUT OF HERE YOU PSYCHO!
Makino: ARRRRGH!
Makino: As a last resort, I will bake him those cookies I baked him for his birthday last year.
Audience: Ooooh, good idea!
Umi: And I will take credit for them, because I have been hanging out with Domyouji and pretending to be his ex-girlfriend! [kisses him]
Audience: Oh, that is NOT FAIR.
Domyouji: These cookies taste like love. Umi, you made these cookies? I love you! Obviously you are the person I forgot.
Audience: You fucking idiot.
Rui: Domyouji left the hospital, oops. Let's go to his house.
Makino: I get to make the "Hana yori Dango" joke here.
Rui: That's because you're his dumpling, right?
Umi: Hi guys! Come on in!
Rui and Makino: What the fuck is that girl doing here.
Domyouji: What the fuck is THAT girl doing here? Her necklace pisses me off.
Makino: YOU FUCKING BASTARD, WHY CAN'T YOU REMEMBER ME?
Umi: Makino, you should just stop coming here. If you hang around maybe he will remember you and then he won't fall in love with me. Wait, did I say that out loud? I meant, just leave it to me and I will help him get his memory back.
Domyouji: Umi, this tea is good, but I want some more of those cookies you baked me.
Umi: Tee-hee! I am a good cook! I will make you anything you want!
Makino: [inwardly] YOU TOOK CREDIT FOR MY COOKIES? BITCH.
Makino: [outwardly] ARIENAITSUNO!!!!! [cries, and throws Saturn necklace at Domyouji and leaves]
Akira: I heard that in the anime, they had a skiing episode or two, so let's have one here too!
Rui: C'mon Makino, cheer up and come party with us. You can bring Yuuki along.
Yuuki: I'm pissed off at that Umi bitch, but I like partying with F4.
Soujirou: I'll teach you how to ski, if you like.
Audience: Awwww.
Domyouji: I HAVE ARRIVED!
Umi: Me too! Teehee!
Rui: Who the fuck said she was allowed to come along?
Domyouji: In all honesty, she wouldn't let me leave her behind. Sigh.
Umi: Look, I just came here to tell you that your ex doesn't remember you and I love him, so just give up, okay?
Makino: Gah, this onsen was a lot nicer when I was in it alone.
Domyouji: Hey, ugly poor girl, why haven't you been around my house annoying me lately?
Makino: Retard, YOU told ME not to come over anymore.
Domyouji: I get this feeling you know something I don't.
Makino: I do, but it's meaningless unless you figure it out yourself.
Umi: Sweetie! I baked you cookies!
Domyouji: [eats cookie] YOU FUCKING BITCH LIAR SKANK HO EXPLETIVE! THESE ARE NOT LIKE THE ORIGINAL COOKIES! YOU DIDN'T MAKE THEM! YOU ARE NOT MY EX-GIRLFRIEND! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!
Umi: You're so rude! Waaaaah!
Makino: Hmm, where's Yuuki? She's late for dinner.
Umi: Oh, she um... [comes up with evil plot] she went to the top of the mountain to get something she forgot there!
Makino: Crap! That's one nasty storm out there! I better find her! [runs off]
Yuuki: I'm back from the onsen! Hey, where's Makino?
Rui: She went looking for you.
Umi: Well actually... I told her a lie and she's out in the storm somewhere.
Rui: YOU FUCKING BITCH. ARE YOU TELLING ME MAKINO MAY BE SUFFERING OUT IN THAT STORM?
Domyouji: [runs off to save Makino]
F4: Whoa, he must have a REALLY deep instinct to go save her.
Makino: Oh god, I'm so cold. I don't want to die.
Domyouji: Then don't. I'm here to save you.
Makino: I would probably think that was strange if I wasn't so frozen and tired that I can't think.
[he carries her to a cabin and builds a fire, and she wakes up a bit later]
Makino: You saved me? Does that mean you remember?
Domyouji: No, I just had this really high instinct to save you.
Makino: You also have this really high fever! Holy crap!
Domyouji: No wonder I feel like shit.
Makino: Here, take some of this medicine.
Domyouji: I only take medicine from my doctor--
Makino: SHUT UP AND LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU!
Domyouji: Wait a minute! This happened before! Weren't we trapped in an elevator and I had a fever from being in the rain and you took care of me and--
Makino: YOU FINALLY REMEMBERED!
Domyouji: I FINALLY REMEMBERED!
Audience: Yaaay!
[They fall asleep on the floor of the cabin while the snowstorm still rages.]
Park Rangers: THIS IS NOT AN ELEVATOR. WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING HERE?
Makino: Uh nothing!
Domyouji: I had to go save my sweat honey from the woods!
Makino: It's 'sweet', you moron! Remind me again why I bother being in love with you?
Domyouji: Oh yeah! Whatever! I'm so happy!
Makino: Hi mom! Hi dad! I'm home!
Makino's family: Newspapers say you're getting engaged to Domyouji! Woohoo!
Makino: Huh.
Makino: Hey, look, there's an article about that old dude who I saved from the cliff.
Tohyama: So, I am interested in having a merge between my nanotechnology firm and the Domyouji zaibatsu.
Domyouji's mom: That's interesting. But why?
Tohyama: Because Makino Tsukushi kept me from killing myself and now our technology is successful, so if she's really marrying the next heir to the company, I should be grateful and do her a favor, right?
Domyouji's mom: YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME.
Tsubaki: I told you to stop being a bitch, mom.
Eitoku: It's time for graduation! It's time for prom!
Makino's family: It's time for our car to break down!
Makino: OH NOES HOW WILL I GET TO GRADUATION AND PROM?
Makino's family: Apparently, you will walk.
Everyone: Look, it's a big happy reunion! Even Tsubaki and Shizuka and Sakurako and Shigeru all came in from the other countries they're supposed to be in!
Extras: Look, there are 10000 of us in the Budokan for filming!
Makino: [running] Arrrrgggh! I'll never make it in time!
Domyouji's mom: We'll give you a ride. By "we", I mean, you will ride in that other car with Nishida, since I still despise you to the point that I cannot be in your presence.
Makino: [arriving] I'm too late what will I doooooooo :(
Domyouji: [appearing in spotlight] YOU WILL MARRY ME.
Makino: I will?
Domyouji: You will? YAY! Let's dance! [sweeps Makino off her feet into a waltz]
Extras: [cheer]
Cast members: [dance]
Nishida: This is awesome.
Domyouji's mom: Must... force... self... not... to.. smile... must... force... self... [smiles]
Makino: So anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this season as much as I did.
Makino: I'm glad we gave Akira some more plot, even if his family is fucked up.
Makino: I'm glad Soujirou is going to get together with Yuuki. Even if he still won't let her ride on his motorcycle.
Makino: I'm glad Rui is my best friend and will be around us forever.
Makino: And most of all...
Makino: I know I've got to be a bit of an idiot myself, but I'm glad I'm marrying this retard Domyouji.
Domyouji: BUT YOU'RE STILL LATE MEETING ME FOR A DATE! GRRRRR.
Makino: Shut up and kiss me so the screen can fade out and the writers can try to figure out if it's even POSSIBLE to have a Season 3.
Season 2 just finished airing, so it'd be a real shame if I didn't write one of these for it too, right? Besides, now you can all save yourself the 11 hours of watching it!
(In case you forgot, Makino and Domyouji are the main couple. She's poor, he's rich. F4 ("flower four") is Rui, Soujirou, Akira, and Domyouji, all of whom are rich kids. Eitoku's the high school they all went to. Yuuki is Makino's best friend, who sort of started to get a crush on Soujirou in the first season. Also, Domyouji's mom hates Makino, but pretty much everyone else around him thinks she's great because she curbs his violent instincts. Go figure. Oh yeah, and a "red tag" is this thing where the entire school beats up on whoever's tagged. Domyouji flew off to NYC at the end of the first season to go to business school because he's too dumb to take over the family corporation.)
Makino: I'm in New York! I'm lost! I don't really speak English! Let me go try to find help anyway!
Random American Dude: Hi! I'll help! Wait! You make no sense! Get lost!
Random Black Dude: In accordance with racial stereotypes, I am now going to steal your stuff. [steals bag]
Makino: CRAAAAAAAP! [runs after them]
Random Gang Members: Yo wussup little Jap chick! We totally gonna mug yo' ass.
Makino: DOMYOUJIIIIIIII!
Audience: Okay, WHAT the fuck is going on?
Makino: I will explain. Here is a flashback.
F4: We graduated, but we still hang out at Eitoku, because we're rich and have nothing better to do.
Yuuki: I'm still the only person in this series who's not a complete dipshit.
Junpei: I'm a model! Or a nerd! Or a model! Or a nerd! Oh who cares, I'm only in this show for one episode anyway.
Junpei: Makino, I love you! Everyone else at this school sucks!
Makino: Junpei, what gives with getting us shown on the cover of this fashion magazine? Are you CRAZY?
Eitoku: HAHAHA LOOK, RED TAG MAKINO. U DED!
Audience: This isn't a rerun, is it?
Junpei: No! Because this time *I* am here to save her! I am a model, not a nerd!
Rui: Makino, go to NYC and figure out why your idiot boyfriend sent you a red tag again.
Makino's dad: Look, I won a free ticket to NYC! Is this a plot hook or what?
Makino: Oh FINE whatever. I don't even know if he's still my boyfriend since he doesn't call, write, or send me death threats anymore. [gets on plane]
[end flashback]
Makino: OKAY THIS SUCKS I DON'T LIKE NEW YORK CITY HEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Rui: Hey, look, I can speak English. And just by aiming a toy gun at those gang members, I'm going to make them go away.
Makino: Oh god Rui, you're so cool. And I'm so screwed. And hungry.
Rui: No biggie. Go have a plot dog.
Domyouji, at hot dog stand: What the hell are you doing here?
Makino: What the hell are YOU doing here?
Domyouji: I'm getting a hot dog. Why are you in NYC?
Makino: I came to NYC to see y... I mean, I came here because my dad won a plane ticket. It seems like a, um, nice city.
Domyouji: Well, then FINE. I'm too busy to deal with you anyway. [runs off]
Akira: This season I actually have a background! Apparently my dad's connected with a whole bunch of underground stuff. Thus, I can magically summon your bag back from those thugs. Cool, huh?
Makino: Oh, I'm so happy you're finally smoking plot. Thanks for helping.
Akira: No biggie. By the way, we're going to go see Domyouji tomorrow. Come with us.
Makino: Ok. [wanders off to see NYC]
Tsubaki: Hi little sis! I'm making a cameo and taking you shopping! :D :D :D
Makino: You totally can't buy me all this stuff.
Tsubaki: Can too. After all, you put up with my retarded little brother for all of last season. I'll forever be in your debt for getting him off my back.
Shigeru: FUCK YOU STUPID POLICE ARE YOU ARRESTING ME FOR BEING JAPANESE? FUUUUUCK!
Makino: I can't decide which is scarier, that girl or this city.
Blonde Boy College Posse: HOW DARE YOU MESS WITH THE GREAT DOMYOUJI?
Audience: Oh my god, this is totally fucking unreal.
Makino: Goddamnit Domyouji, just come talk to me for a bit, stop acting like a total ass.
Domyouji: You don't understand, I *am* a total ass.
Makino: I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOUR LIGHTS OUT LIKE I DID IN THE FIRST SEASON!!!! [tries to slug him]
Domyouji: No you're not. [ducks] I have no time for your crap anymore, little girl. [runs off]
Makino: Fuck this, I'm going back to Japan. I hate you.
F4: By the way, Domyouji, why did you leave Makino a red tag?
Domyouji: I didn't.
F4: O RLY?
Soujirou: I wonder if someone ELSE left it? Nah, that's impossible. Only F4 can leave F4 red tags. Duh.
Eitoku: DIE MAKINO DIE RED TAG AHAHAHAHAHA WHEEEEEE!
Junpei: I'm a model! I WILL SAVE YOU MAKINOOOOOOOO
Junpei: I'm a nerd! Actually, I *was* the one who left the fake F4 red tag, and now I'm going to kidnap you and ransom you in a warehouse to get back at Domyouji for beating up my brother. I somehow have this feeling they imported this plot differently in the first season, but what the heck, I didn't write the script.
Tsubaki: Don't ask how I'm here to save you, Makino, I just am.
Makino: Oh thank god. By the way... I know I said I don't care about him... but... I AM REALLY IN LOVE WITH DOMYOUJI AFTER ALL! WHICH MEANS THERE'S A POINT TO HAVING SEASON 2!
Audience: Hooray!
Domyouji's mom: We're having a big birthday party for Domyouji. Also, I have a big announcement to make. He is engaged to the extremely rich daughter of the world's biggest oil magnate...
Shigeru: Me? WHAT?
Makino: Her? Crazy NYC chick?
Domyouji: Uhhh... wait, I thought I had a different fabricated fiance in season 1.
Shigeru: I'm so crazy! Watch me play the piano and sing!
Makino: I suck at piano! Watch me be embarrassed by Domyouji's mom!
Domyouji: COME WITH ME MAKINO, WE NEED TO TALK. [grabs Shigeru's hand and drags her off]
Shigeru: Oooooh, I like you, pretty-boy, even if you are dumb as rocks. [bites his ear]
Domyouji: OH FUCK I GRABBED THE WRONG ONE. GO AWAY, MONKEY-GIRL! I HATE YOU!
Shigeru: I think I'll just drop by Eitoku and prove how damn cool I am. By the way, Makino... can we be friends? I really like Domyouji and I need your help to win him over.
Makino: Oh uh... well... uhh... sure!
Shigeru: So I'll also drop by your house and buy your poor poor family a lot of fancy food and spend the night and NOW WE ARE BSET FRIENDS 4EVER!!!!!!!
Yuuki: Hold on a second, *I* am Makino's best friend.
Shigeru: Friendships are tough. Let's go shopping. [buys them expensive necklaces]
Domyouji: I keep having this nightmare where some guy is jumping off a building. I think it's my fault.
Audience: If you keep having it and we don't find out why soon, it's going to get really annoying.
Domyouji: Tell me about it.
Akira: I have a great idea, Soujirou.
Soujirou: What, that we should go take out Shigeru and try to make her give up on Domyouji?
Shigeru: HAHAHA NO WAY, YOU LAMERS COULD NEVER KEEP UP WITH SOMEONE LIKE ME. [totally wears them out]
Akira: Oh god, what we were we thinking?
Soujirou: I hate her.
Yuuki: I like you.
Soujirou: I know, but you know we don't get any plot time until episode 6 or so, right? Go away.
Akira: Makino, we tried to help, but seriously, you've got to go get Domyouji back on your own. Otherwise that crazy monkey girl is totally going to brainwash him or something.
Makino: [gets out special gold cellphone] DOMYOUJI. 1PM. SUNDAY. EBISU SQUARE GARDEN.
Domyouji: Woohoo! A date with Makino! I think I'll invite Monkey Girl so she'll see me with Makino and BUGGER OFF.
Shigeru: Nothin' doin! I'm gonna get here early and SMOOCH YOU!
Makino: Ewwww! [leaves]
Domyouji: Ewwww! [punches Shigeru] Fuck off!
Shigeru: Fine, I'll just stalk you instead.
Domyouji: Why [waiting] isn't [waiting] Makino [waiting] here? I BET THIS IS ALL MY MOM'S FAULT.
Domyouji's mom: If you seriously think I have time for this crap, you'll be late for the big engagement party tomorrow.
Domyouji: Ooo, I like parties. HEY WAIT A MINUTE.
Rui: I would totally try to help work out this crap between you guys, except I decided I'm in love with Makino again.
Makino: Good, because now I have someone who can help me study for the law school exam!
Shigeru: I have figured out several significant things now:
1. If Domyouji doesn't marry me, his company is screwed.
2. Bringing lots of fancy food to Makino's house is really fun and makes me feel like a good person.
3. Makino and Yuuki are my best friends! And they will totally help me win over Domyouji!
Shigeru: What I have not figured out, of course, is that Makino and Domyouji are destined to be together. After all, I wasn't IN the first season.
Akira: Everyone's invited to my place. It'll be fun.
Akira's mom: I dress like a 14-year-old Gothic Lolita frilly Harajuku Girl and slide around the room like I'm in some sort of Barbie dream house! I love tea parties! Please have some cookies!
Akira's little sisters: WE ARE CUDDLY, CUTE, FRILLY, AND ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING.
Makino and Yuuki: This is totally fucked up.
F4: This is totally normal.
Akira: And you wonder why I only go after older women.
Soujirou: STOP TRYING TO FIX ME UP WITH YUUKI. [leaves]
Yuuki: But I'm taking tea ceremony classes now! Just for your sake! [follows]
Makino: STOP TRYING TO FIX ME BACK UP WITH DOMYOUJI. [leaves]
Domyouji: But you totally don't understand what is up with monkey girl hey COME BACK HERE oh hell. [pines]
Makino's dad: I fucked up. We're even poorer than the poorest poor people.
Makino: Okay, I'll get another job working at a construction site. Because I mean, it's not like the rest of you ever work.
Makino: ARGH WORKING HARD LABOR ALL NIGHT AND STUDYING FOR THE LAW EXAM AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS-- [faints]
Domyouji: Okay fine, I'll go out with you, Monkey Girl.
Shigeru: WOOHOO! Also, my name is Shigeru.
Domyouji: Whatever, let's just get this over with.
Shigeru's parents: Blah blah blah, marriage business merger blah blah blah fancy dinner blah blah blah.
Nishida: [passes a note to Domyouji that says Makino collapsed and is in the hospital]
Domyouji: OH FUCK! [runs out]
Domyouji's mom, Shigeru's parents: OMGWTFHAX!
Nishida: Heh heh heh.
Rui: I'll take care of Makino, don't worry. I love her very very much.
Makino's parents: All you rich pretty boys are the same as far as we care, the operative word being "rich". Please, take our daughter!
Domyouji: [overhearing in hospital hallway] Uhhh... what... uhh... [leaves without even saying hi to anyone]
Makino: [wakes up next day] God I'm exhausted and WHY IS RUI SLEEPING HERE HOLDING MY HAND?
Rui: Because I love you! [kisses her]
Audience: If there were any justice in the world, the show would end right now and Rui and Makino would live happily ever after together.
Makino: No way. The script says I'm in love with Domyouji, so I am. [hides under blankets]
Audience: But he's a retard and Rui's a wonderful guy who loves you!
Makino: You seem to have this impression that I have any logic whatsoever to my actions.
Rui: Yeah, so, I slept next to her all night.
F4: Way to go! Wait a minute, does Domyouji know?
Rui: God, I hope not.
Domyouji: [shows up] I AM TRYING REALLY HARD TO PRETEND I DON'T KNOW YOU DID ANYTHING.
F4: YOU ARE DOING AN EXTREMELY BAD JOB.
Rui: So when are you getting married, dumbass?
Domyouji: I AM TOTALLY NOT GETTING MARRIED. [cellphone rings]
Shigeru: Yay! You're my fiance! Let's go on a date!
Domyouji: GODDAMNIT! [leaves]
Yuuki: Rui kissed you? Really?
Soujirou: He kissed her? Really? Man, that's going to make things complicated.
Yuuki: Makino's been through a lot of tough stuff this year. Don't make it worse.
Soujirou: Love is stupid and blind.
Soujirou: Stop looking at me like that.
Makino's family: We suck, so we had to go move to a tiny little fishing village. Bye kids! Hope you can find somewhere to live!
Makino: OH FUCK WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
Sara: Hi, I'm Yuuki's tea ceremony instructor, and it's about TIME I had something to do in this show. Let me find you a free place to live.
Makino: Free apartment! Yay!
Shigeru: Hey, loverboy, let's go rent a hotel room and, y'know, nudge nudge wink wink.
Domyouji: I totally cannot stand you but sure, whatever.
Shigeru: You're acting weird. I think I'll go pretend to take a shower and see if you leave.
Domyouji: I guess I'm predictable. [leaves]
Shigeru, at Makino's new place: OMG that Domyouji is an asshat. Also, I have finally begun to suspect that maybe something used to be going on between you two. But let me help you set up your new place anyway, because I actually am a nice person underneath all the craziness.
Makino: You are WAY too smart and nice for him, obviously.
Domyouji: MOM DID YOU SCREW UP THINGS FOR MAKINO'S FAMILY AGAIN LIKE YOU DID IN SEASON 1?
Domyouji's mom: First, I don't have time for that kind of crap. Second, I thought you gave up on that sewer rat?
Domyouji: DON'T CALL MY... NOT-REALLY-ANYMORE-BUT-WHATEVER-GIRLFRIEND THAT! [leaves]
Domyouji's mom: Nishida, go keep an eye on him and make sure he stops fucking things up.
Nishida: You really have no idea that I'm on his side, do you?
Makino: See, bro, this apartment isn't so bad once we clean it up, eh?
Susumu: Except there's something scary lurking outside the door!
Makino: ARRRGH kill it kill it kill it! [runs out swinging a baseball bat]
Domyouji: IM IN UR APRTMENT BILDING SCARING UR NEIGHBRS!
Makino: Arrgggghh!!! [beats the crap out of Domyouji]
Domyouji: Cut it the fuck out, it's just me!
Susumu: Oh hey big bro :D How about I leave you two alone huh? ;) [goes next door]
Makino: Don't you even THINK of trying anything.
Domyouji: Umm, I learned this metaphor for love and figs once, except I think I forgot it.
Cellphone: [RING! RING! RING!]
Domyouji: DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE. [tackles Makino, as both the phone answers AND the door opens, revealing Shigeru]
Shigeru: I AM NOT A MONKEY. [stomps out angrily]
Rui: [holds phone, silently says WTF]
Makino: Wait!
Domyouji: Stay. OR ELSE. I want to know what the fuck is going on.
Audience: So do we.
Makino: You're engaged to Shigeru so what do you care that Rui kissed me?
Domyouji: OMFG SLUT.
Makino: GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT YOU BASTARD!
Domyouji: I own the building!
Rui: Domyouji, you've done a piss-poor job of making Makino happy, so I am officially demoting you from that job and promoting myself.
Domyouji: The HELL you are. Are you serious?
F4: Well, actually...
Rui: Fuck you for treating her like shit and treating us like shit too. [punches him out]
Makino: You what?
Rui: I love you. You make me happy. I'm a lot less psychotic than Domyouji, and I will treat you well. How come you aren't in love with me any more like you were last season? It would make things so much simpler.
Audience: Awwwww.
Susumu: [dejected]
Domyouji: What gives, lil' bro?
Susumu: I fell in love with this girl who lent me an eraser at my entrance exam and I don't know her name and I'm too shy and I don't know what to do!
Domyouji: Woohoo! This will be awesome! I will totally help you. Battle stations, F4!
Susumu: What?
Domyouji: We're going to take care of you F4-style. Makeover, fashion advice, and consultation on love letter writing and presentation skills. It's pretty standard.
Susumu: Sweeeet.
Domyouji: It's really interesting helping you out like this. I never had a little brother.
Audience: Thank god for that.
Susumu: Eraser girl, I love you! [gives her letter]
Eraser girl: Sorry, not interested.
Susumu: ARGH!
Domyouji: ARGH!
Makino: WTF? Did you fail your exam?
[Susumu and Domyouji exchange a LOOK]
Makino: And what are you two conspiring about?
Susumu: Stop being such a bitch, sis.
Makino: I'm not a bitch, he's a freak, stop hanging out with him.
Domyouji: When will you get it through your head that I love you?
Makino: When you stop being a jerkbag!
Nishida: I have to tell you some stuff about Ken Ushida, that dude that Domyouji keeps having nightmares about jumping off a building.
Audience: Finally.
Nishida: See, he worked for our company, and he was good friends with Domyouji, and well, Domyouji did something stupid that caused a ton of layoffs, including this friend, whose family eventually went broke and he committed suicide.
Makino: That's fucked up.
Nishida: So's he, but now maybe you understand why.
Domyouji: Honey, I'm home!
Makino: First, I am not your honey. Second, this is not your home.
Susumu: Big bro, we're having hotpot for dinner, you should stay!
Domyouji: Woohoo! I get to try poor people food! Makino you're the best! [hugs her]
Makino: GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY CHEST YOU PERVERT! [throws him into the floor]
Floor: I can't take this any more. [collapses]
Makino and Domyouji: AAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH! [fall into the apartment below]
Elderly downstairs neighbors: Why, it's nice of you young kids to drop into our apartment and all, but we were rather fond of having a ceiling, you know?
Yuuki: Guess what, this is the Valentine's Day episode.
Makino: Guess what, I have no place to live now that my apartment doesn't have a floor.
Tsubaki: Guess what, I'm going to smuggle you into the Domyouji mansion in a crate, and let you live in our attic. Okay?
Makino: Huh, I guess that works. But why?
Tsubaki: Well, because when I was in high school I was in love with a normal guy, and then my mom made me marry the son of a hotel magnate that the Domyouji group was merging with, and I think that's a terrible plot, so I'd rather my little brother doesn't go through it. Plus, I think you're good for his sanity, so if you stay here in this house with your Magic Circle Against Retard (30' radius) up at all times, he's less likely to break things or beat people up.
Shigeru: Argh, I screwed up making Valentine's Day cookies.
Yuuki: Argh, I want to confess to this guy on Valentine's Day, but...
Sara: Valentine's Day is the worst holiday ever. Don't talk to me about it.
Soujirou: [elsewhere] Valentine's Day is the worst holiday ever. Don't talk to me about it.
Audience: Hey, why do I get this feeling these two have a history...
Sara: But you're a nice girl, Yuuki, so I will help you make chocolates after tea ceremony class, okay?
F4: So Makino, do we need to help you with your housing situation?
Makino: [mumbles something about staying with a "friend"]
Makino: You should go visit Yuuki at her tea ceremony place! I am not changing the subject on purpose, really.
Domyouji: Hi guys! Uhh... I need a clever ruse to get Makino to go away. HEY YOUR EXAM RESULTS ARE IN.
Domyouji: So anyway, guys, get this, she's living in my attic. No, I am not getting any. Shut up.
Makino: [on phone] I PASSED MY EXAM!!!!!!!!!!!
Rui: [on phone] Great!
Rui: [to Domyouji] You're such a jackass.
Domyouji: AREN'T YOU JEALOUS OF ME? But seriously, she's mine and not yours, so bugger off.
Rui: I'm invoking Shoujo Manga Plot #14 on you.
Domyouji: What?
Rui: Let her decide. Whoever she gives Valentine's chocolates to wins.
Yuuki: Sara, thank you so much for helping me make chocolates.
Soujirou and Akira: Hey Yuuki, we thought we'd drop in at your tea ceremony class and visit you!
Sara: OMGWTFBBQ. [runs off]
Akira: Oooh, tea ceremony class full of older women to hit on!
Soujirou: Why, allow me to step in and give some of my guidance to your tea ceremony class.
Tea Ladies: WOOOO!!! F4!!!
Soujirou: Uh. I recognize this tea bowl. Is Hinata Sara the normal instructor here?
Yuuki: Yeah, but she ran off when you guys showed up for some reason.
Yuuki: HEY WAIT A MINUTE.
Rui: [plays violin in the window like a bishounen, wondering if Makino will call him]
Domyouji: Well, Makino, it's Valentine's Day, so DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE ME? HEH HEH HEH I WIN.
Makino: Yeah... I do. [hands him long flat box]
Domyouji: This is a very strange box for chocolates to come in.
Makino: That is because it doesn't contain chocolates.
Makino: It contains the Saturn pendant you gave me last season, which I am returning to you, because I think I'm going to go insane if I continue to date you.
Domyouji: WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? I WILL NEVER LOVE ANYBODY EXCEPT FOR YOU AND YOU ARE JUST THROWING THAT AWAY. [throws pendant case in the river and stalks away fuming mad to go find people to beat up]
Audience: Well, technically, YOU are throwing it away...
Makino: Oh god, I feel faint, as if a flashback was coming on. [gets overwhelmed by flashback]
Makino: Maybe I should go recover that pendant. Maybe I do love Domyouji after all. Maybe I'm about to get swept away in a waterfall. [runs across riverbank]
Tama: I spy from the corner of my eye a plot hook that will shortly fly!
Makino: So, I am going to work as a maid in the Domyouji mansion, because being a freeloader makes me feel bad.
Domyouji: I WILL NOT HAVE MY GIRLFRIEND WORKING AS A SERVANT. Though you look awfully cute in that maid outfit.
Tama: Let's get a few things straight here.
1. I have been working in this household for sixty years. *I* rule this house, not you.
2. Your mom made me come back to keep an eye on you.
3. But I think this Makino chick is pretty cool.
4. AND MAKINO, DON'T CALL ME OLD LADY, CALL ME SEMPAI.
Makino: Okay Sempai! So what should I do now?
Tama: Clean the entire goddamn house. You are WORKING here, aren't you? Grab a broom. [drags her off]
Akira: Hey Domyouji, umm, do you have any clue where Soujirou is? I haven't seen him since Valentine's Day.
Okami: Hey, Makino, have you seen Yuuki? She hasn't come to work since Valentine's Day.
Domyouji: Let's go search for our friends together. It'll be a good bonding experience.
Makino: Okay. Maybe I will discover that you are not such a bad person, you simply have bad taste in hot dogs.
Akira: I just remembered an important plot point about Soujirou and Sara from last year. She's like his ex-girlfriend or ex-crush or something. I think she asked him out last Valentine's Day and he stood her up.
Yuuki: I figured out the same exact thing. But it's irrelevant because Sara quit the tea ceremony school and moved away!
Soujirou: You both suck at this game, I've already tracked her down to this little farm miles away in the middle of nowhere.
Sara: Jirou, what on earth are you doing here?
Soujirou: I was, uh, just in the neighborhood and thought I'd return your tea bowl. By the way, you WERE in love with my older brother, right?
Sara: No, I thought of your older brother as being like an older brother. Jirou, you're such a dumbass.
Soujirou: So wait a minute, you're saying you really were in love with me all along?
Sara: Let me make a few things clear. First, I'm getting married to that guy over there who's working on pottery. Second, Yuuki is a really nice girl and she really likes you, so you should go out with her. Third... I think you could have easily figured out how I felt about you if you weren't a complete moron. Also, your timing sucks.
Soujirou: Well, uh, then, have a nice life, I guess? [rides off, depressed]
Makino: Oh my god, we found you, Yuuki!
Yuuki: After spending a week wandering around the Tokyo Tower area, I found the building.
Makino: What building?
Yuuki: The building... where... Sara was going to confess to Soujirou on Valentine's Day... I told him to meet me there tomorrow morning at 6am, just as Sara did that time. There's something he needs to see... [goes and waits on rooftop]
Soujirou: I already turned down one girl who told me to go to a building at 6am, no reason not to turn down another one. [parties in hostess bars all night]
Domyouji: Hey Soujirou, you really should go to that building already.
Soujirou: Well, okay. [runs off]
Yuuki: Thank god you're here! Come over here and look at this.
Soujirou: I don't get it. A sukiyaki restaurant and some place called Cafe Jirou?
Yuuki: Oh just WAIT a minute goddamnit.
Sun: Time to rise! Happy morning! [SHINES BRIGHT LIGHT, OBSCURING HALF OF BOTH OF THE SIGNS]
Soujirou: Suki... Jirou?
Soujirou: Wait a minute, that's me.
Soujirou: OH GOD I AM A FUCKING MORON. [breaks down crying]
Yuuki: Doesn't this bring you a nice sense of closure?
Soujirou: I have no idea what you just said, but I'm starting to think you're not so bad after all.
Soujirou: So, the upshot, Makino, is "ichigo ichie".
Makino: What?
Soujirou: Don't fuck up your chances like I did, essentially.
Makino: Okay. Domyouji, I'm going to tell Rui that I can't go out with him because I like you.
Domyouji: Bonus!
Shigeru: I haven't really been meddling enough lately, so I'm just going to show up out of the blue and try to jump you again. [starts taking off all of her clothes]
Audience: Oh brother, why hasn't she been written out of the plot yet?
Domyouji: ARGH PUT ON SOME CLOTHES AND GET OUT OF MY ROOM, MONKEY GIRL.
Shigeru: My name is Shigeru and I am getting married to you, so get used to it. [tackles him onto bed]
Makino: [hears noise, peeks in, sees the scene] OMFG! [runs off] OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG!
Domyouji: Oh crap. Look, I am not marrying you. I don't even like you. STOP BEING AS STUBBORN AS ME!
Domyouji: Dammit, now Makino's going to be all pissed at me again.
Rui: I'm still not convinced you're capable of making Makino happy, so I don't want to give up on her.
Domyouji: In an extremely rare event for me, I am going to get down on my hands and knees and beg you to give her up.
Rui: Whoa.
Rui: Well, since THAT'S a once-in-a-lifetime sight, maybe I will reconsider.
Domyouji's mom: I AM BACK IN JAPAN! FEAR ME!
Tama: No.
Domyouji's mom: Why do I have this feeling you are hiding Makino Tsukushi in this house?
Tama: Because I am. And you know what? I've been head of this house since before you were born, so fuck off.
Domyouji's mom: [stammers]
Audience: HAHAHA PWN3D.
Makino: Holy shit. why are you defending me like that?
Tama: Because quite frankly, Domyouji's been a violent little brat for his entire life, and you are the only person I have ever seen that gets him to stop being such a jerkbag.
Makino: All I did was punch his lights out at school last year.
Tama: Which is exactly what that bastard needed. That's why he loves you. And I will defend you to the death!
Domyouji: Tama fucking rules!
Nishida: You're still totally fucked. I just think you need to know that.
Domyouji's mom: If you think you can weasel out of this marriage business, you're really deluded.
Rui: Finally, I think Domyouji's going to do something not completely retarded.
Soujirou: I dunno about that. If the Domyouji zaibatsu fails, it's going to totally fuck up the Japanese economy.
Akira: True dat, but at least our retarded friend has found TWOO WUV! So I think we should cheer him on.
Domyouji: I only showed up at this marriage/merger dinner talk in order to tell your parents I can't marry you.
Shigeru: Bah, that's what you think. First, they'll never forgive you. Second, I have a SECRET PLAN!
Audience and Domyouji: Uhoh, that sounds ominous.
Shigeru's dad: Woohoo! My little girl is getting married!
Shigeru: Am not.
Audience and Domyouji: WHAT?
Shigeru: I don't want to marry this retard, he's really not my type.
Shigeru: But, Daddy, since this split is all my fault, you still have to do the merger. Pleeeeeeeeease?
Shigeru's dad: Well, anything for my little girl.
Domyouji: OKAY WHAT THE FUCK.
Shigeru: I finally watched last season's ending and I feel like a meanyhead for getting in the way of you and Makino. Oopsie! But let me tell you something -- you BETTER make her happy or I will FUCKING KICK YOUR ASS.
Shigeru, in voice mail to Makino: I'm really sorry I was a total bitch and lied to you. I'm returning to New York with my parents. I hope we can be friends in the future.
Makino: [running through the airport] Shigeru! Shigeru! I'm sorry too! I don't know what to say but you know, in the future you should come over sometime and we'll bake cookies and do each other's hair and stuff.
Shigeru: Okiedokie :) :) CUL8R! Bye-bye! [boards plane]
Domyouji: Crap, I just missed her, didn't I?
Makino: Yeah.
Domyouji: Well, there's no obstacles now! Take my hand, woman, and we'll march forth to happiness!
Domyouji's mom: [shows up and glares]
Makino: No obstacles, huh?
Domyouji: Will you just butt out of my love life and go back to New York already?
Domyouji's mom: No. I hate your girlfriend and I'm going to disown your sorry ass unless you stop seeing her.
Domyouji: It's all good! Look, the light is green! Let's go!
Makino: GOD this food is great! You always pick the best restaurants, even if they're super expensive. All I know how to cook is nabe.
Domyouji: Well, we will have to eat nabe together sometime then.
Waiter: I'm sorry, sir, but your credit cards don't work.
Domyouji: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TALKING TO, I AM THE GREAT DOMYOUJI.
Waiter: I don't know, but your cards don't work.
Makino: Stop making a scene! I'll pay with cash! Whoa, role reversal!
Domyouji: I am SO embarrassed. I can't believe my mom cancelled my credit cards. I guess this is what it's like to be disowned.
Audience: Well, actually, yes, you've technically been dissed AND owned.
Makino: It's all good! Look, the light is green! Let's go!
Makino: I'm going to teach you how to go on dates like a poor person.
Domyouji: OH GOD I AM SCARED OF DOGS, AND PARKS, AND PEOPLE, AND EVERYTHING ELSE.
Nishida: You should probably be scared of your fucking mom, because she fired me. Don't worry, I won't jump off a building.
Makino and Domyouji: OH CRAP.
Domyouji's mom: Shigeru's family's company won't merge with us, so we're fucked.
Soujiro and Akira: This means the Japanese economy is pretty fucked.
Makino: This means everyone I know is pretty fucked.
Yuuki: It's okay, you can still stay at my house.
Domyouji: Suddenly I am having those dreams about Ken jumping off a building again.
Makino: Okay, bitch, if I promise to never see your son again, will you stop fucking up everyone's lives and the economy?
Domyouji's mom: OF COURSE! I WIN!!! MUHAHAHAHA.
Domyouji: This rain sucks now that I can't afford a taxi. But Makino, we're going to live happily ever after.
Makino: Actually... uh... we're not... I promised your mom I'd dump you. So, bye.
Domyouji: ...
Tama: WHAT
Tama: Hello, I did *not* spend four episodes defending you just for you to totally fuck up the plot like this.
Makino: Hi mom! Hi dad! Hi bro! What a great fishing village you live in! Is it possible that we're even poorer than we were before? Wow!
Makino's family: We're all seasick wusses who are basically spending our time earning pennies a day to dry seaweed.
Makino: I *LOVE* my family.
Makino: No, really.
Ken: I'm alive!
Domyouji: WTF?!?!?!?!
Ken: Your mom set me up to fake my suicide jumping off a building and cause you permanent emotional damage, but in reality, I just jumped off a balcony and landed on a mattress ten feet below. See, you were supposed to be in NYC and never see me again. I'm so sorry!
Domyouji: I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE ALIVE!
Ken: You're not angry at me?
Domyouji: No, I'm angry at that knifing old hag for doing such a terrible thing to both of us.
Ken: You mean conniving, right?
Domyouji: Whatever.
Makino's family: We can't actually pay our rent while drying seaweed. But when the people here found out you were Domyouji's girlfriend, they said we could pay it back later.
Makino: Oh great. Fortunately for you all, I will actually go get a REAL fishing job rather than tell you I had to dump Domyouji.
Tohyama: I think I am going to jump off this cliff now because my company is failing and my life sucks.
Makino: You think your life sucks? My family is the poorest family in Japan and I just had to dump the man of my dreams to come live here and catch and gut fish all day. What's your deal?
Tohyama: Well, I was CEO of a small computer company, and we invented some software which will revolutionize the computer industry in Japan... but we haven't been able to get anyone to buy it and we're out of money and I've failed everyone.
Makino: But you're a CEO! That's SO cool! Don't kill yourself, I'd be really depressed if I had to watch, anyway.
Tohyama: You are a REALLY weird girl, but maybe you're right. I think I'll live! And maybe I'll return as a plot point later!
Makino: Hooray!
Domyouji: Guess what Makino! Ken's alive! My mom's a bitch!
Villagers: OMG ITS DOMYOUJI! RICH GUY RICH GUY RICH GUY!
Domyouji: Well, actually, I've been disowned by my family, but I want to be with Makino anyway. Will you take me back?
Makino: I would, except all of these villagers are in the way.
Villagers: OMG DOMYOUJI OMG DOMYOUJI [crowds him]
Susumu: Stop! STOP STOP STOP! [gets pushed off cliff]
Domyouji: OH NO LITTLE BRO! [also gets pushed off cliff]
Susumu: I'm okay, but Domyouji's been knocked out. I have a bad feeling this is another plot hook.
Rui: Domyouji's finally awake! Yay!
F4: Yay!
Makino: Hi!
Domyouji: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
Makino: I'm your girlfriend, retard.
Domyouji: I HATE UGLY POOR GIRLS LIKE YOU. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
Makino: Uh.
F4: Uh.
Audience: Uh.
Doctor: It appears that dumb-youji over there is suffering from selective amnesia. Basically, he was thinking about Makino so much that when he was knocked out, it made him completely forget her. He seems to have the rest of his mind intact, not that there was all that much there to begin with.
Umi: Hi! I am the sweetest, nicest girl on the planet! Everyone in the hospital loves me! Makino, let's be friends!
Makino: Uhhhhh... okay, whatever.
Umi: [seeing Rui] Your boyfriend is really hot.
Rui: I hate you. [walks off]
Domyouji: [stumbles down the hallway]
Umi: Hi! I'm Umi! Everyone loves me! I'm another plot obstacle!
Domyouji: SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY WAY.
Umi: NO, YOU SHUT UP. YOU SHOULD USE CRUTCHES IF YOU'RE GOING TO STUMBLE AROUND LIKE THAT.
Domyouji: Hey, I like girls who yell at me, don't I...
Makino: [reenacts various scenes from the first season to try to jog Domyouji's memory of her]
Domyouji: GET OUT OF HERE YOU PSYCHO!
Makino: ARRRRGH!
Makino: As a last resort, I will bake him those cookies I baked him for his birthday last year.
Audience: Ooooh, good idea!
Umi: And I will take credit for them, because I have been hanging out with Domyouji and pretending to be his ex-girlfriend! [kisses him]
Audience: Oh, that is NOT FAIR.
Domyouji: These cookies taste like love. Umi, you made these cookies? I love you! Obviously you are the person I forgot.
Audience: You fucking idiot.
Rui: Domyouji left the hospital, oops. Let's go to his house.
Makino: I get to make the "Hana yori Dango" joke here.
Rui: That's because you're his dumpling, right?
Umi: Hi guys! Come on in!
Rui and Makino: What the fuck is that girl doing here.
Domyouji: What the fuck is THAT girl doing here? Her necklace pisses me off.
Makino: YOU FUCKING BASTARD, WHY CAN'T YOU REMEMBER ME?
Umi: Makino, you should just stop coming here. If you hang around maybe he will remember you and then he won't fall in love with me. Wait, did I say that out loud? I meant, just leave it to me and I will help him get his memory back.
Domyouji: Umi, this tea is good, but I want some more of those cookies you baked me.
Umi: Tee-hee! I am a good cook! I will make you anything you want!
Makino: [inwardly] YOU TOOK CREDIT FOR MY COOKIES? BITCH.
Makino: [outwardly] ARIENAITSUNO!!!!! [cries, and throws Saturn necklace at Domyouji and leaves]
Akira: I heard that in the anime, they had a skiing episode or two, so let's have one here too!
Rui: C'mon Makino, cheer up and come party with us. You can bring Yuuki along.
Yuuki: I'm pissed off at that Umi bitch, but I like partying with F4.
Soujirou: I'll teach you how to ski, if you like.
Audience: Awwww.
Domyouji: I HAVE ARRIVED!
Umi: Me too! Teehee!
Rui: Who the fuck said she was allowed to come along?
Domyouji: In all honesty, she wouldn't let me leave her behind. Sigh.
Umi: Look, I just came here to tell you that your ex doesn't remember you and I love him, so just give up, okay?
Makino: Gah, this onsen was a lot nicer when I was in it alone.
Domyouji: Hey, ugly poor girl, why haven't you been around my house annoying me lately?
Makino: Retard, YOU told ME not to come over anymore.
Domyouji: I get this feeling you know something I don't.
Makino: I do, but it's meaningless unless you figure it out yourself.
Umi: Sweetie! I baked you cookies!
Domyouji: [eats cookie] YOU FUCKING BITCH LIAR SKANK HO EXPLETIVE! THESE ARE NOT LIKE THE ORIGINAL COOKIES! YOU DIDN'T MAKE THEM! YOU ARE NOT MY EX-GIRLFRIEND! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!
Umi: You're so rude! Waaaaah!
Makino: Hmm, where's Yuuki? She's late for dinner.
Umi: Oh, she um... [comes up with evil plot] she went to the top of the mountain to get something she forgot there!
Makino: Crap! That's one nasty storm out there! I better find her! [runs off]
Yuuki: I'm back from the onsen! Hey, where's Makino?
Rui: She went looking for you.
Umi: Well actually... I told her a lie and she's out in the storm somewhere.
Rui: YOU FUCKING BITCH. ARE YOU TELLING ME MAKINO MAY BE SUFFERING OUT IN THAT STORM?
Domyouji: [runs off to save Makino]
F4: Whoa, he must have a REALLY deep instinct to go save her.
Makino: Oh god, I'm so cold. I don't want to die.
Domyouji: Then don't. I'm here to save you.
Makino: I would probably think that was strange if I wasn't so frozen and tired that I can't think.
[he carries her to a cabin and builds a fire, and she wakes up a bit later]
Makino: You saved me? Does that mean you remember?
Domyouji: No, I just had this really high instinct to save you.
Makino: You also have this really high fever! Holy crap!
Domyouji: No wonder I feel like shit.
Makino: Here, take some of this medicine.
Domyouji: I only take medicine from my doctor--
Makino: SHUT UP AND LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU!
Domyouji: Wait a minute! This happened before! Weren't we trapped in an elevator and I had a fever from being in the rain and you took care of me and--
Makino: YOU FINALLY REMEMBERED!
Domyouji: I FINALLY REMEMBERED!
Audience: Yaaay!
[They fall asleep on the floor of the cabin while the snowstorm still rages.]
Park Rangers: THIS IS NOT AN ELEVATOR. WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING HERE?
Makino: Uh nothing!
Domyouji: I had to go save my sweat honey from the woods!
Makino: It's 'sweet', you moron! Remind me again why I bother being in love with you?
Domyouji: Oh yeah! Whatever! I'm so happy!
Makino: Hi mom! Hi dad! I'm home!
Makino's family: Newspapers say you're getting engaged to Domyouji! Woohoo!
Makino: Huh.
Makino: Hey, look, there's an article about that old dude who I saved from the cliff.
Tohyama: So, I am interested in having a merge between my nanotechnology firm and the Domyouji zaibatsu.
Domyouji's mom: That's interesting. But why?
Tohyama: Because Makino Tsukushi kept me from killing myself and now our technology is successful, so if she's really marrying the next heir to the company, I should be grateful and do her a favor, right?
Domyouji's mom: YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME.
Tsubaki: I told you to stop being a bitch, mom.
Eitoku: It's time for graduation! It's time for prom!
Makino's family: It's time for our car to break down!
Makino: OH NOES HOW WILL I GET TO GRADUATION AND PROM?
Makino's family: Apparently, you will walk.
Everyone: Look, it's a big happy reunion! Even Tsubaki and Shizuka and Sakurako and Shigeru all came in from the other countries they're supposed to be in!
Extras: Look, there are 10000 of us in the Budokan for filming!
Makino: [running] Arrrrgggh! I'll never make it in time!
Domyouji's mom: We'll give you a ride. By "we", I mean, you will ride in that other car with Nishida, since I still despise you to the point that I cannot be in your presence.
Makino: [arriving] I'm too late what will I doooooooo :(
Domyouji: [appearing in spotlight] YOU WILL MARRY ME.
Makino: I will?
Domyouji: You will? YAY! Let's dance! [sweeps Makino off her feet into a waltz]
Extras: [cheer]
Cast members: [dance]
Nishida: This is awesome.
Domyouji's mom: Must... force... self... not... to.. smile... must... force... self... [smiles]
Makino: So anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this season as much as I did.
Makino: I'm glad we gave Akira some more plot, even if his family is fucked up.
Makino: I'm glad Soujirou is going to get together with Yuuki. Even if he still won't let her ride on his motorcycle.
Makino: I'm glad Rui is my best friend and will be around us forever.
Makino: And most of all...
Makino: I know I've got to be a bit of an idiot myself, but I'm glad I'm marrying this retard Domyouji.
Domyouji: BUT YOU'RE STILL LATE MEETING ME FOR A DATE! GRRRRR.
Makino: Shut up and kiss me so the screen can fade out and the writers can try to figure out if it's even POSSIBLE to have a Season 3.
no subject