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That Sestina I wrote
They had a sestina contest on Puzzle Pirates. The topic was "what it takes to take care of a monkey". There were a bazillion rules about iambic pentameter and not changing your end-words and all this other stuff that never would have flown in CMU poetry workshops, but that's ok.
I was trying to be as non-boring as possible (you should see how dry a lot of the other entries are.)
For the first time in my life, I turned in a writing assignment two weeks early. If I hadn't, I probably would have done a bit better. Oh well. I'm still amused by it. Eris had requested people not share which one they wrote before the 28th, so that's why I didn't post it until now.
(and no, this didn't even warrant an honourable mention. The winner was the first one posted, but all of the runners-up and whatnot were ones sent in a day or two before the deadline.)
The Tale of a Scurvy Monkey
(or, Better Living Through Superior Firepower)
Avast! Adventure on the pirate seas!
The task? To find a cure for my poor pet--
While fortunate perhaps to be a monkey,
He was afflicted with a case of scurvy;
And so, one day, myself and Captain Spinn
Set out with hopes to forage citrus fruit.
We thought he would be cured by eating fruit;
Was there a better remedy at sea?
I charted us to Vernal; then told Spinn
To sail, and I would carpent with my pet.
Despite his awful sickness from the scurvy
He tried to eat the nails. Oh, silly monkey!
At last we were at speed, and my dear monkey
Seemed hungry for a taste of rum-- not fruit--
And scampered to the hold. Ignoring scurvy,
He drank up all the grog. What in the seven seas!
I wasn't sure how best to punish pets
And what on earth would I report to Spinn?
"There be no rum left on this vessel, Spinn!"
I grumbled, thinking "Damn that scupping monkey!"
And vowed to never take aboard a pet
When going out to sail and forage fruit.
I wondered what more from the hold he'd seize?
And whether it'd cure-- or worsen-- scurvy?
While sailing without rum, some scurvy
dogs approached our ship! They yelled to Spinn,
"Arr! We be the brigands of the seas!"
They fired shots at us; it was no monkey
business -- or was it? They were firing fruit!
An orange hit me, splashing on my pet.
It had a strange affect upon my pet
Who went and fired cannons at the scurvies.
His aim was true! He dodged the volleyed fruit,
While shooting down their ship, which swayed and spun
And withdrew from the fight! Beat by a monkey
Who taught us all a lesson on the sea.
So here's a pet care tip from me and Spinn--
Beware the effects of scurvy on a monkey.
And on the high seas? Don't forget the fruit.
I was trying to be as non-boring as possible (you should see how dry a lot of the other entries are.)
For the first time in my life, I turned in a writing assignment two weeks early. If I hadn't, I probably would have done a bit better. Oh well. I'm still amused by it. Eris had requested people not share which one they wrote before the 28th, so that's why I didn't post it until now.
(and no, this didn't even warrant an honourable mention. The winner was the first one posted, but all of the runners-up and whatnot were ones sent in a day or two before the deadline.)
The Tale of a Scurvy Monkey
(or, Better Living Through Superior Firepower)
Avast! Adventure on the pirate seas!
The task? To find a cure for my poor pet--
While fortunate perhaps to be a monkey,
He was afflicted with a case of scurvy;
And so, one day, myself and Captain Spinn
Set out with hopes to forage citrus fruit.
We thought he would be cured by eating fruit;
Was there a better remedy at sea?
I charted us to Vernal; then told Spinn
To sail, and I would carpent with my pet.
Despite his awful sickness from the scurvy
He tried to eat the nails. Oh, silly monkey!
At last we were at speed, and my dear monkey
Seemed hungry for a taste of rum-- not fruit--
And scampered to the hold. Ignoring scurvy,
He drank up all the grog. What in the seven seas!
I wasn't sure how best to punish pets
And what on earth would I report to Spinn?
"There be no rum left on this vessel, Spinn!"
I grumbled, thinking "Damn that scupping monkey!"
And vowed to never take aboard a pet
When going out to sail and forage fruit.
I wondered what more from the hold he'd seize?
And whether it'd cure-- or worsen-- scurvy?
While sailing without rum, some scurvy
dogs approached our ship! They yelled to Spinn,
"Arr! We be the brigands of the seas!"
They fired shots at us; it was no monkey
business -- or was it? They were firing fruit!
An orange hit me, splashing on my pet.
It had a strange affect upon my pet
Who went and fired cannons at the scurvies.
His aim was true! He dodged the volleyed fruit,
While shooting down their ship, which swayed and spun
And withdrew from the fight! Beat by a monkey
Who taught us all a lesson on the sea.
So here's a pet care tip from me and Spinn--
Beware the effects of scurvy on a monkey.
And on the high seas? Don't forget the fruit.