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The Japan Rant, Part 1 of N
It's funny, I guess now that I am somewhat convinced that this is the year I will separate myself from Japan, I keep thinking about the good and the bad things here. I have a feeling there will be more posts like this over the next few months.
I get so angry and annoyed at Japanese people pointing at me and saying stuff to each other. I get more annoyed by big groups of people at baseball games all being like "OMG get a load of that gaijin! Look, she is writing kanji! In a scorecard!" and yet not making the connection that HEY MAYBE I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU, so that they then do things a little later like "That gaijin is so tall, I can't see over her head, do you know how to ask her to move in English?" "No.." "Well, that sucks". So I make a point of sitting up even higher in my seat and getting in their way more.
I hate standing in crowded subway trains or just normal crowded trains. I hate it more when, like the other night, a bunch of airhead girls stand there basically loudly ranting at each other for the entire ride home about how smelly the crowded train is, and casting disdainful glances in my direction, as if it is MY fault rather than, say, the natural result of crowding a shitload of people into a small space. It is only going to get worse as the year progresses and becomes hotter, I remind myself.
I hate the automatic assumption that a white person is an American tourist who is helpless in this country and is only good for English practice. I hate coming into a restaurant, speaking perfectly decent Japanese to answer "yeah, only one person, non-smoking section please, sure, a counter seat is fine with me" and then having them come up to say in broken English, "Do you English menu?"
I hate feeling so ridiculously fat here even though I realize I am only slightly above average in the US now. Of course, I am also gargantuan in terms of being tall, which doesn't help any... but not being able to buy shoes or clothes here easily is not a point in favor of this country either.
I actually like being a teacher, but I hate that it is the automatic assumption that, if you work here, you must be an English teacher, as that is the only job really fit for white people.
I hate getting snubbed from things just because I'm a foreigner. I've given up on counting these kinds of things. People moving past me in lines on train platforms as if I don't exist... clerks not wanting to help me because they think I can't speak Japanese... people at the train station not giving me packets of tissues because they think it's a waste because I can't read their advertisements. Teachers at my school who bring back omiyage from a trip and put a cookie on every single desk except mine, "because they think you wouldn't like it". People who will stand on the subway rather than sit in the empty seat next to me.
So on the other side...
I love the food here. I will miss it a LOT.
I love the trains, even if I hate a lot of the people on them. I love being in a place with such ridiculously good public transportation. I'm really not a fan of driving cars.
I love baseball here, although even that stresses me out due to the perceptions about the NPB and MLB, the perceptions of Japanese people about foreigners, etc. I hate that even though I have become somewhat infamous and do have friends to watch games with, I still think that like, the Fighters ouendan all hate me, things like that. I hate sticking out in the crowd sometimes, that I can't do things other Japanese people can, or that other foreigners can, because I know that if I do something that annoys anyone else, people will remember and talk about it later.
(Sometimes I admit it is good to stick out. People remember me because I am different. Sometimes that is good. But I also hated the assumption of things like "Oh, Brian Sweeney only talks to you because you are also an American", when that was patently untrue, he knew a lot of the other fans as well, the ones who talked to him at least.)
I like the country being safe, although people keep telling me it really isn't. I would still prefer to walk a mile home alone at 1am here than in the US, that is for sure.
I like the lifestyle here of being more preoccupied with accumulating memories than of accumulating things. I know that isn't uniformly true, but the lack of space makes it seem so. Being active is great, in a way I don't think I ever felt I was in the US.
And all things considered, I *like* trying to be an exception to the rule, a weird case to throw off people's stereotypes and assumptions. I get very happy about how far I have come with my Japanese study even if I also feel hopeless to ever really be as good at it as I'd like.
I dunno. I feel it is important to remember the things I like here and at the same time to remind myself WHY I need to get the hell out of this country before I become completely lost and paranoid.
I get so angry and annoyed at Japanese people pointing at me and saying stuff to each other. I get more annoyed by big groups of people at baseball games all being like "OMG get a load of that gaijin! Look, she is writing kanji! In a scorecard!" and yet not making the connection that HEY MAYBE I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU, so that they then do things a little later like "That gaijin is so tall, I can't see over her head, do you know how to ask her to move in English?" "No.." "Well, that sucks". So I make a point of sitting up even higher in my seat and getting in their way more.
I hate standing in crowded subway trains or just normal crowded trains. I hate it more when, like the other night, a bunch of airhead girls stand there basically loudly ranting at each other for the entire ride home about how smelly the crowded train is, and casting disdainful glances in my direction, as if it is MY fault rather than, say, the natural result of crowding a shitload of people into a small space. It is only going to get worse as the year progresses and becomes hotter, I remind myself.
I hate the automatic assumption that a white person is an American tourist who is helpless in this country and is only good for English practice. I hate coming into a restaurant, speaking perfectly decent Japanese to answer "yeah, only one person, non-smoking section please, sure, a counter seat is fine with me" and then having them come up to say in broken English, "Do you English menu?"
I hate feeling so ridiculously fat here even though I realize I am only slightly above average in the US now. Of course, I am also gargantuan in terms of being tall, which doesn't help any... but not being able to buy shoes or clothes here easily is not a point in favor of this country either.
I actually like being a teacher, but I hate that it is the automatic assumption that, if you work here, you must be an English teacher, as that is the only job really fit for white people.
I hate getting snubbed from things just because I'm a foreigner. I've given up on counting these kinds of things. People moving past me in lines on train platforms as if I don't exist... clerks not wanting to help me because they think I can't speak Japanese... people at the train station not giving me packets of tissues because they think it's a waste because I can't read their advertisements. Teachers at my school who bring back omiyage from a trip and put a cookie on every single desk except mine, "because they think you wouldn't like it". People who will stand on the subway rather than sit in the empty seat next to me.
So on the other side...
I love the food here. I will miss it a LOT.
I love the trains, even if I hate a lot of the people on them. I love being in a place with such ridiculously good public transportation. I'm really not a fan of driving cars.
I love baseball here, although even that stresses me out due to the perceptions about the NPB and MLB, the perceptions of Japanese people about foreigners, etc. I hate that even though I have become somewhat infamous and do have friends to watch games with, I still think that like, the Fighters ouendan all hate me, things like that. I hate sticking out in the crowd sometimes, that I can't do things other Japanese people can, or that other foreigners can, because I know that if I do something that annoys anyone else, people will remember and talk about it later.
(Sometimes I admit it is good to stick out. People remember me because I am different. Sometimes that is good. But I also hated the assumption of things like "Oh, Brian Sweeney only talks to you because you are also an American", when that was patently untrue, he knew a lot of the other fans as well, the ones who talked to him at least.)
I like the country being safe, although people keep telling me it really isn't. I would still prefer to walk a mile home alone at 1am here than in the US, that is for sure.
I like the lifestyle here of being more preoccupied with accumulating memories than of accumulating things. I know that isn't uniformly true, but the lack of space makes it seem so. Being active is great, in a way I don't think I ever felt I was in the US.
And all things considered, I *like* trying to be an exception to the rule, a weird case to throw off people's stereotypes and assumptions. I get very happy about how far I have come with my Japanese study even if I also feel hopeless to ever really be as good at it as I'd like.
I dunno. I feel it is important to remember the things I like here and at the same time to remind myself WHY I need to get the hell out of this country before I become completely lost and paranoid.
no subject
But you did have a point in the original post -- people might treat Deanna differently from me because I'm a dude. Japan is hysterically sexist at times, so that might be a factor.