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2009: I will eat the peach Jolly Ranchers, because no one else will
This is my New Year's Resolution post. It's a bit TL:DR, just like everything else I write, so feel free to skip to the bottom.
A few weeks ago I spent a few days at my mother's house, which can be a somewhat stressful experience for me in general. Usually when I'm there, my mom and stepfather take me out to dinner one night. This time was a more interesting experience -- we went out for barbecue with my stepfather's two best friends and their wives. One pair lives maybe a 30-minute drive away, the other pair lives 2 hours away. The 7 of us all had dinner together and it was actually quite a good experience; the food and folks were fantastic and fun. I rarely see my stepfather except in the context of being at home, so it was really interesting.
On the drive home, my mom and stepfather got into an argument about New Year's eve. Pair B (2 hours away) wants to host it this year, even though technically it may be Pair A's turn. They also want to go to some local auction. My mom has no interest in auctions, plus having to drive 2 hours to spend New Year's with her friends is, apparently, more than she wants to do.
"Did Pair B come down to do shopping in Ashland today?" she asked.
"No," said my stepfather, "They drove down to have dinner with us."
"Two hours driving both ways just to eat dinner? What for?" wondered my mother.
"Umm," I broke in. "Could it be that, you know, they just wanted to see their friends?"
"Why would anyone do that?" she replied.
I've been thinking about that exchange ever since I got back from there. I mean, especially given that I spent a year and change in Japan, I have to admit that if I could just travel for 2 hours and see my closest friends, I would be overjoyed. Would I want to do that commute every day? No. But a few times a month? Definitely! Let's get a move on that Japan-US wormhole technology!
I don't want to be like my mother, who can't fathom the idea of having friends who you would go to all ends of the world for. A family member who should remain nameless told me last weekend that I shouldn't worry about that, I'm very different and there's no way I could be anywhere near as self-centered as my mom, although I have trouble believing that.
It's funny, I'd like to think I'd do just about anything I could do within reason for my friends if they needed me to, and vice versa. I know that I've been fortunate to receive (and offer) countless tangible and intangible things from (and to) my wonderful friends, whether it be crash space, dinner, hugs, conversation, books, music, whatever. I can't imagine how boring my life would be without all of the people who are in it, or have been in it. That's why I would stay late to talk to students, or come early and leave late for baseball events, or give random things to people because I thought they were neat. Seeing people smile makes me smile. It's like a positive loop effect.
I worry, though, that I haven't done nearly enough for everyone as they've done for me. I don't necessarily mean on a 1-1 basis: as with all things, there are people who've done more for me than I possibly could do for them, and I know there are people I've done a lot for that can't return the favor either. And in most cases I don't think there's any sort of expectation of an exact repayment anyway. It's not like we do things for friends because we want them to do something in return; we do things for friends because we love them and care about them. Fundamentally this is why I think it's a good idea to be nice to most people; even beyond the fact that it's just not very nice to be mean to people and there's no good reason for it, and if everyone was nice to each other the world would be a lot more pleasant, it's just true that there's no reason to stomp through life leaving a trail of people pissed off at you.
(I'd like to think I've mellowed out a lot in the last few years. I certainly feel like I have, but it's hard to tell.)
The other night I had a conversation about how people often have the option to do something that is difficult to do but clearly the right thing to do, or to do something easy that is the wrong thing to do, and it's really easy to either do the wrong thing or to do nothing. I'd like to think that a lot of times in my life I've done the right thing in those sorts of circumstances, although I may have just done it by dumb luck. I'm certainly not perfect, and I definitely screw up a lot, but at least I honestly try to never do anything to purposefully hurt another person.
I do, however, wonder if there have been times I could have helped another person, and somehow through inactivity, or just plain being a dumbass, did not.
Anyway, this is a long-winded way to lead into what my New Year's Resolution is. It's not really a resolution per se, because this isn't really something NEW, but more of a "something I want to think about more consciously than I have in the past" sort of thing:
In 2009, I resolve to be there for my friends.
That's really just about it.
Goals for the year include:
- Pass the JLPT 2-kyuu exam
- Lose another 15 pounds
- Go to Shikoku
Happy New Year, everyone.
A few weeks ago I spent a few days at my mother's house, which can be a somewhat stressful experience for me in general. Usually when I'm there, my mom and stepfather take me out to dinner one night. This time was a more interesting experience -- we went out for barbecue with my stepfather's two best friends and their wives. One pair lives maybe a 30-minute drive away, the other pair lives 2 hours away. The 7 of us all had dinner together and it was actually quite a good experience; the food and folks were fantastic and fun. I rarely see my stepfather except in the context of being at home, so it was really interesting.
On the drive home, my mom and stepfather got into an argument about New Year's eve. Pair B (2 hours away) wants to host it this year, even though technically it may be Pair A's turn. They also want to go to some local auction. My mom has no interest in auctions, plus having to drive 2 hours to spend New Year's with her friends is, apparently, more than she wants to do.
"Did Pair B come down to do shopping in Ashland today?" she asked.
"No," said my stepfather, "They drove down to have dinner with us."
"Two hours driving both ways just to eat dinner? What for?" wondered my mother.
"Umm," I broke in. "Could it be that, you know, they just wanted to see their friends?"
"Why would anyone do that?" she replied.
I've been thinking about that exchange ever since I got back from there. I mean, especially given that I spent a year and change in Japan, I have to admit that if I could just travel for 2 hours and see my closest friends, I would be overjoyed. Would I want to do that commute every day? No. But a few times a month? Definitely! Let's get a move on that Japan-US wormhole technology!
I don't want to be like my mother, who can't fathom the idea of having friends who you would go to all ends of the world for. A family member who should remain nameless told me last weekend that I shouldn't worry about that, I'm very different and there's no way I could be anywhere near as self-centered as my mom, although I have trouble believing that.
It's funny, I'd like to think I'd do just about anything I could do within reason for my friends if they needed me to, and vice versa. I know that I've been fortunate to receive (and offer) countless tangible and intangible things from (and to) my wonderful friends, whether it be crash space, dinner, hugs, conversation, books, music, whatever. I can't imagine how boring my life would be without all of the people who are in it, or have been in it. That's why I would stay late to talk to students, or come early and leave late for baseball events, or give random things to people because I thought they were neat. Seeing people smile makes me smile. It's like a positive loop effect.
I worry, though, that I haven't done nearly enough for everyone as they've done for me. I don't necessarily mean on a 1-1 basis: as with all things, there are people who've done more for me than I possibly could do for them, and I know there are people I've done a lot for that can't return the favor either. And in most cases I don't think there's any sort of expectation of an exact repayment anyway. It's not like we do things for friends because we want them to do something in return; we do things for friends because we love them and care about them. Fundamentally this is why I think it's a good idea to be nice to most people; even beyond the fact that it's just not very nice to be mean to people and there's no good reason for it, and if everyone was nice to each other the world would be a lot more pleasant, it's just true that there's no reason to stomp through life leaving a trail of people pissed off at you.
(I'd like to think I've mellowed out a lot in the last few years. I certainly feel like I have, but it's hard to tell.)
The other night I had a conversation about how people often have the option to do something that is difficult to do but clearly the right thing to do, or to do something easy that is the wrong thing to do, and it's really easy to either do the wrong thing or to do nothing. I'd like to think that a lot of times in my life I've done the right thing in those sorts of circumstances, although I may have just done it by dumb luck. I'm certainly not perfect, and I definitely screw up a lot, but at least I honestly try to never do anything to purposefully hurt another person.
I do, however, wonder if there have been times I could have helped another person, and somehow through inactivity, or just plain being a dumbass, did not.
Anyway, this is a long-winded way to lead into what my New Year's Resolution is. It's not really a resolution per se, because this isn't really something NEW, but more of a "something I want to think about more consciously than I have in the past" sort of thing:
In 2009, I resolve to be there for my friends.
That's really just about it.
Goals for the year include:
- Pass the JLPT 2-kyuu exam
- Lose another 15 pounds
- Go to Shikoku
Happy New Year, everyone.